Just to let you know, this is a pretty big wall of text... I also hope that the fact that I'm new won't get in the way of you giving me advice.
Okay, I've known I was bisexual for a while now, but it's only now that I've started to accept it. All this time I've been fighting against it, telling me that my feelings for other girls would pass. They didn't. And now, every time I think about my sexuality, I feel nothing but guilt. I feel like I'm a sinner and should be punished. I guess I just need someone to forgive me for being the way I am. I know I shouldn't be ashamed of my sexuality, but I am. I just can't seem to get my sexuality out in the open. I want to be proud of who I am, but how can I when I'm constantly hiding it?
I've hinted to my sexuality to a few close friends, but for some reason it's not enough. I feel like I need to come out and say it, but I just can't. I'm afraid that they won't accept me. The only two people in my life who know about my sexuality are my ex-girlfriend and my sister, but unfortunately I can't talk to either one of them about it. Even while we were dating, I couldn't bring myself to tell my girlfriend what I was going through. I was utterly terrified that I had let myself become bisexual. Of course, it's even harder because my parents don't even know. Both my parents find gays to be repulsive, and I wouldn't be able to stand it if they found out and began treating me differently. Not to mention my mom's side of the family are hard-core Christians, and would probably want to send me to a Hetero Camp. @_@ I even lied to my therapist about it, not to mention countless of other people.
I'm not a very religious person, I don't go to church or define myself to a single religion, but I do believe in God. I also believe in heaven and in hell. I know for a fact that in more than one religious text, it says that "a man shall not lay with another as he would with a woman". I'm not very knowledgeable when it comes to understanding religious texts, but I'm PRETTY sure that the same goes for woman. What I'm asking is, will God still love me even though I'm bisexual? After all, he's the one who created me to be this way. And doesn't it also say that he loves all his children?
Back to the subject, I've had plenty of feelings for girls in the past, but I never acted on them because I didn't want anyone to know I was bisexual. I was also afraid that I would go through what I did they first time I had a relationship with a girl. For the past few years I've had to put up with being bullied and teased for being who I am. The last thing I need is to be judged and rejected for my sexuality; something that is completely out of my control. Anywho, I apologize for the long post. It seems I've ranted quite a bit. :/ I just really needed to get this off my chest...
But just to sum things up, here's what I need advice for:
-Being open about my sexuality
-Coming out to my friends (and possibly my family)
-Knowing that it's okay to be bisexual (in the case of religion)