FAiL? near-cheating and epiphanies and such.

treycasenfersherr's picture

yo
alright i'm not gonna bother with typing correctly right now cause i don't give a shitt
just wanna get everything out.

alright
so
here goes nothin.
[that's a nevershoutnever! songg(:!!!]
fuck adhd.

k.

i'd never cheat on my girlfriend.
evereverevereverevereverEVEREVEREVERever.
ever.
ever.
e
v
e
r
.

but.
i think about it all the time.
i mean alot.
anddd i talked to this girl about it yesterday
we had a hellla risque conversation
and we planned to chill...and stufff.
"stuff"
like i actually planned to cheat on my girlfriend with this whole elaborate thing.
and at the moment
i didn't care.

i always pretend i don't give a shit.
who am i pretending for?
it doesn't do me any good.
it doesn't do anyone else any good.
i love analisa.
and i'm sending these vibes out to the world like i don't give a rat's ass.
but i do.
alot.
just because i didn't see her for a month while i was gone, and she'll be out for another month at her camp.

i care about her so much and i plan on being with her for a long time.
i'm just...maybe it's trying to be the whole man thing.
i'm gonna be a male so i'm practicing.
but that's not excuse for how i've been acting.

and that girl from last night? i texted her a three-part text about how i wouldn't go through with it, i couldn't, i care about analisa too much and i would never cheat on her ever. i care about my friend but like i'm never cheating on my girl.

thing is......
i recognize all of this about myself but i'm not proactive about it.
i really feel i should be.

working on it.

Comments

tenmilestilts's picture

well hey, what matters is

well hey, what matters is you *didn't* cheat. everyone thinks dirty, it's whether or not you act on it that matters.
---
Two wrongs don't make a right but three lefts do!

treycasenfersherr's picture

Yeeeeahhhhhhh...

Yeah, point made.
I *could* blame it on being a teenager however ^_^ hahaha.
I'm not gonna act on it.

I really care for my girlfriend alot and we've been through enough shit already, I don't wanna risk losing her again.

typicalmusician's picture

Yeah, as I said to a friend

Yeah, as I said to a friend once (when she was crushing on 3 people, of various genders, simultaneously): what keeps your feelings separate from sluttiness is how you act on it, and you seem to be doing fine at that at this point.

:)

-KBO-

treycasenfersherr's picture

Chickaboomyeah.

I'm intimidated by women anyway, like I haven't even kissed my girlfriend yet and we've been on/off since March, so like legit cheating I don't think I really need to worry about anyway...hmmmmm.

I've got birds in my ears and a devil on my shoulder and a phone to the other and I can't get a hold of her, and what's a crush to do...what's a crush to do when he can't get through?
-Risque by Cute Is What We Aim For