she was my ideal woman. a few years older, not too-tall, with a dancer's slim figure. porcelain skin, not-quite-flush features with blistering blue eyes and dark hair. she had a nervous smile and a voice that all but personified irony.
she was outwardly lovely, but a pathological liar, a manipulative bitch, and crazy to boot.
my ideal woman.
this is not fiction, this is my own personal reality. this girl, a woman now, probably shaped my taste for women more than anyone else on the earth. and yes, that includes L.
i was drawn to her like a fly to honey, just like every other artistic boy or girl in the entire school. she was an ethereal flame shooting up from the fumes of a troubled mind. so vulnerable. so gentle. like a broken razor. handle her the wrong way, and you lose blood.
she's back in town. i thought i saw her in the store one day, and like a hound sniffing an old scent, i wandered through the aisles (amy, if you're reading this, you probably remember me doing this. the hot girl in target?)
i saw her for sure in the mall yesterday. she looked so arrestingly....normal, leaning against the railing, speaking into a cellphone. we caught glances for a moment and she gave me a nervous smile. there's no way she recognized me. i've traveled so far from the introverted, naive little punk that was my 9th grade year.
ever since i saw her, though, i can't get her out of my mind. her face, her smile, it keeps haunting me. what it meant. in an alternate world....what could've been.