Ahh Jesus Christ. Taylor is too much at times! He keeps saying how much chemistry we had and how it felt natural and good TO HIM. To me it felt like a chore, something I had to do so I wouldn't hurt his feelings. All we did was make out but I guess that's a great significance in his life. I'm trying to tell him it won't work out because he's a guy and I'm way into girls. Like I told him it felt weird to kiss him because of his gender but he still won't give up!
GUYS DON'T GET CLUES.
Weirder enough when I was making out I was drunk and imagining that he was my gay best friend, John. I think it was because of a text I had received from him about five minutes before. John got a great laugh out of that one. I'm trying so hard to be carefree and honestly, be like Mal. Not give a shit and always be happy but Taylor is clingy and clingyness makes me not happy. I want him to be smart enough to get a hint and work off the hint. Not the "imaginary chemistry" we have!
UGHHHHHHHHHH I like, I love, I'm attracted to girls and it feels oh so wrong being with him. I hate hurting feelings but my happiness is all that matters at the moment. Plus, I still have hope for Mallory and I don't want to use him to make myself feel better. Not at all. God, I want Kent Island to have one gay chick who can be carefree and amazing like the one that just left. Then we can be together and I can tell Taylor to leave me alone because I'm in a relationship.
He wants to hangout again. I agreed, and I pretty much regret it. I've laid off the flirting and suggestiveness to try to tell him, "I'm just not that into you." He got the memo but it didn't process.
My arm isn't as swollen anymore but I have two big ass gashes in my arm. I've spent the whole day asleep because I've been on a shitload of Benedryl. I actually decided to cut the grass while on Bens, not exactly a great idea. I walked in the door and just laid down on the floor in the kitchen and feel asleep. Bendryl is my bestfrannn. I have work tomorrow 2-9, not really looking forward to it. Then work the next day and most likely the next. My boss is going on vacation soon and I'm celebrating the day she leaves.
I really want a relationship right now, with a girl of course. I'm hopingprayingwishing that someone in our school is gay besides the one lesbian couple who are both very unattractive (no offense to them). I want a cool, chill, laid back kinda girl who can just get me. Ya know? Maybe I'm wishing on a far out star but I have a feeling the new year may just bring someone....