ohhh my god. i just had the craziest family dinner ever.
+my grandma lives in new york, upper east side. she's rather a typical grandma, technologically challenged, caring, fussy, and a tad embarrassing in public.
+my aunt (well, one of them, but i won't be mentioning the others) is a little unusual. she's a runner, fine, but she's crazy about it--she's like 5'4" or something and only weighs 100lbs. yes, she is kind of "built like that" anyway, but she's neurotic about her health.
+her son, my cousin, is a typical college boy. he's 20, likes to go to parties, does ok in school, whatever.
now, we all go out to dinner. my aunt is being really rude, telling me, "why don't you wear tighter shirts? that one makes you look chunky" and "you should wear your hair down" and "take off your hat. why are you wearing that hat?". my cousin is ragging on his mom about being rude, and about what she's eating (granted she's skinny and not-quite-anorexic, but she's eating normally tonight, and he's just making too big a deal of it), and she hasn't seen him in a while so she's asking him questions and he's blowing them off, or being rude about it.
my aunt is fussing over my grandma, but not in a nice way. more in a condescending way. like, "here, sit here, it's hot but there's a nice breeze" and keeps saying that even though my grandma goes "i'm fine here". my grandma obviously doesn't like the kind of food on the menu (she audibly says "yuck" when she first opens it) and so my aunt says "oh, let's go somewhere else" even though we're already seated and all. my cousin and i veto that.
when we order our drinks, my aunt says (pointing at my grandma) "she'll have a rum and coke". my grandma goes "no! i don't want that" and my aunt not-so-subtly points at my cousin and not-so-quietly says "it's for him!" my grandma goes, "ok, i guess i'll have it" when the waiter leaves, my cousin goes "mom, i told you i can order it! i've got ID" (he's 20 remember but as most college guys do i guess he has a fake ID, *whatever*)
the whole dinner my aunt and cousin are arguing, and my grandma and aunt are being embarrassing. we're at an ethnic mediterranean place, and my grandma wants *ketchup*, so my cousin gets up to go ask the not-that-hot waitress for some ketchup, which (no duh) they don't have. my aunt goes "oh, i'll go across the street and get some" (there's a duane reade across the street) and is serious about it. again my cousin and i veto it.
my aunt has a disposable camera and takes a zillion photos in the restaurant, outside of the restaurant, etc. my cousin complains. i just go along with it.
this entire time my aunt is going "i love this! i love going out and being with family" etc. my cousin and i wisely say nothing, neither of us is enjoying ourself.
after dinner, we decide to go get dessert. i don't really want any, but whatever, we can go out. my aunt wants to go somewhere-or-other, my grandma is trying to think of places nearby, and my cousin and i are like "if we just walk down the street in any direction, we're gonna find something". so finally we do that. we get in line at some ice cream place that my grandma says "all the young people" go to, and some girl told my cousin was good. we wait in line, and when we get near the front my cousin realizes it's all like vanilla ice cream with fruit and stuff, and decides he doesn't want it. my grandma doesn't either. (it was their idea.) my aunt complains, and i just go along with it. we walk *back* past the restaurant we were at for dinner, to an ice cream place right next door.
*finally* we part ways. i'm just completely exasperated with the lot of them, my aunt is happy as a clam, my grandma is just her usual self, and my cousin just wants to be outta here and hanging with his friends.
*AUGH* my family is a nightmare! most of the rest of them are OK, but this one aunt is a piece of work. with just me and her it's not so bad, but my grandma and cousin like amplified her personality.
sorry for the immensely long rant i know nobody really cares. but it drove me crazy!