stop me if you've heard this one.

Icarus's picture

take your pick:

grumpy old man is forced to change his life in some way due to illness/family loss/old age. befriends young, intelligent, quirky child (either gender suitable) and learns new lessons about life and how to enjoy his last days. child's parents must be equally quirky for added indie benefits. for bonus tearjerk: child becomes ill/old man dies.

two (extras optional) women, preferably housewives are bored with their life and decide to take a roadtrip/get a makeover/have an affair. children are either of elementary school age and have apparently never seen a paddle, or adolescent and experimenting with drugs/alcohol/premarital sex. one wife will manage to rekindle her dying marriage by some miraculous turn of events, while the other will find new love with an old highschool flame. for bonus tearjerk: one wife becomes ill/child runs away/husband becomes ill.

a straight, white boy, and a straight white girl meet. hilarity ensues as they refuse to admit they're in love/know they're in love but are with someone else/break up and get back together. ethnicity of male can be changed only to african american. ethnicity of female must remain white. tips for pandering to every hipster known: boy is out of college and stuck in a dead end job and doesn't know what to do with his life. must listen to lesser known indie artists and girl must be pale and have a large vocabulary.

the world is in danger and only a teenage white boy/well-built man/team consisting of exactly one woman, three white men, and two token ethnicities can save it. bonus points: villain must be a mincing gay stereotype.

an angry lesbian kills everyone because her girlfriend left her for a man/she's in love with her best straight friend/she hates men. bonus points: angry lesbian is ugly as sin and therefore easier to hate. also, extra bonus points if angry lesbian turns out to be a self-hating trannie.

woman/man is convinced that she/he will never fall in love again after being jilted/losing a former flame. becomes bitter and cynical, possibly an alcoholic. refuses to see anyone else, despite the cajoling/threatening of friends and family. only after meeting a disgustingly attractive man/woman do they let their hearts open up just a tiny bit, hilarity ensues, including, but not limited to: a montage with cheesy 70s pop, a heartwrending confession, a drunken kiss, a split due to crossed wires, an end of the movie kiss. bonus points: potential mate is wildly eccentric and unaware of their own obvious charm and outward appearance. also, woman/man must have a horny, dryly sarcastic, unrelentingly merciless best friend.

no wonder no one goes to the movies anymore.

Comments

music is life's picture

I love this! And you're

I love this! And you're exactly right.

Its sad. Maybe I'm just in a bitchy/fairytalesneverhappen mood and when I've watched movies lately i just don't get into them because I know the ending is going to be happy, the people end up together- they learn life lessons and what not. Not really saying that I don't want to see a happy ending its just bleh? I want to be surprised. Something new.
Wow sorry for all that :) haha

tenmilestilts's picture

omg cereal, that's y i like

omg cereal, that's y i like pixar and the few movies/books that *aren't* romantic. romance is beginning to sicken me. and yet i find myself disappointed when a books ends without the two main characters getting together. i'm such a hypocrite.
---
Two wrongs don't make a right but three lefts do!

wilde_sapphire's picture

whoa. that is every movie in

whoa. that is every movie in theaters. ever. i will stop u lol amazing.


Do you really think it is weakness that yields to temptation? I tell you that there are terrible temptations which it requires strength, strength and courage to yield to.

Riku's picture

Haha

Wow, That just about sums up every movie ever. Dissapointing isn't it?

Tophat's picture

Wow. I've lost faith in the

Wow. I've lost faith in the movie industry now. No God, no Film, THE WORLD IS SHIT!!! *Jumps out window... 1st floor*

---------------------------------------------------
"We are the Stewards. This is our world.''
-Sophismata, Alex in Wonderland

Merric's picture

what about...

Girl falls for dangerously handsome man. Man turns out to be (surprise!) criminal. Girl is conflicted. Girl is instrumental (willingly, or through trickery) in man's defeat/capture. Man dies. Girl cries.

alternate version:
Girl attempts to expose dangerously handsome criminal. Girl falls for said criminal. Girl is conflicted... etc.

I still have a little faith... someday, something is going to come along that is beautiful and original and will expose all other movies as sadly unoriginal attempts at art.

Icarus's picture

also, girl is wronged in

also, girl is wronged in some way by bad, bad, bad men. girl subsequently snaps and goes vigilante on everyone's ass.

there's just enough good movies out in theatres that keep this little filmmaker's heart beating. let's just hope the good outweigh the bad eventually.

so for those of you falling in love
keep it kind, keep it good, keep it right
throw yourself in the midst of danger
and keep one eye open at night.
--"Elephants" Rachel Yamagata

tenmilestilts's picture

Hm, that reminds me

Hm, that reminds me of...Twilight!! *rolls eyes*
---
Two wrongs don't make a right but three lefts do!

ferrets's picture

ohh dont forget....

war. bad guys have bigger numbers. good guys are outnumbered. goof guys do something amazingly miraculas. good guys win. every onee happy the end

two guys are talking. one is straight, one is gay. the straight one says" is there anyway i can turn you straight?" the gay one responds" of course, ill go straight as long as you turn gay!"