Wednesday night, 11pm.
I think to write, to write convincingly no matter how trivial, serious or amusing, you must feel passionate or strongly about something (even if it's strong apathy). Something you believe in, or something that has provoked some sort of emotion in you. It must be genuinely felt. Even when you can relate to something, writing the transferred experiences are still never as convincing applied under speculation.
That's why sometimes I can't write.
Many times I've come online, wanting to write something - and I struggle for words. There's always a desire for clarify in my mind, and what better way to convert them into concrete, tangible, infallible words? I don't see my own or anyone's arsenal or words to be underdeveloped, it's just the moment - when you do not feel strongly enough to be able to manipulate the language to match your thoughts, tt becomes forced, and so very contrived.
So for the past few days school have started. I have been on a three week holiday, and none of that was without any incident. There has been good, bad, funny, shameful, frustration and all sorts of intertwining emotions unable to be distinctly separated. Yet when I'm not in the moment, I cannot recall and write about them. Instead, I am detached from the incident, not that I don't remember it happened - but simply because I am unable to express myselves in the truest form that I have felt when I am most passionate, or when it had occured.
So sometimes I open a journal, and there are so many things happening in life, yet there is nothing writen in front of me, and I close it. How do I prioritise events or even deem them as important when my thoughts and emotions are no longer consistent with what I have wanted to say, or what actually happened?
Just wondering, before it's too late to take it all in.