is it possible to be nostalgic for a non-existent era? a time or phase which doesn't actually exist, but you feel...no, wish it did? i've been mulling this feeling over in my mind and my heart, and the only way i can adequately describe how i feel is to say, i feel like an interloper within my own species. i know how ludicrous that might sound, and i'm not implying that i'm some sort of extraterrestrial creature or a being from another dimension, that sort of talk is best left to the astrophysicists, but more in the sense that there is a nagging feeling of being born in the wrong generation. what's confusing, however, is the generation i feel that i should've been born into, does not in fact, exist in our history, or at least, one that i've been made aware.
i don't talk as expected. i don't think as expected. i don't read what i'm expected to read. i don't watch what i'm expected to watch. i don't dress as i'm expected to dress. i am an anomaly within my own generation, but i've learned to keep the mask on at all times. i speak the modern language well and pretend to have an interest in things that shine and giggle. i keep to myself and try not to stir the waters too much for fear of exposure. i stay within the boundaries and watch the words that leave my lips, lest someone squint a bit too hard or think i'm being a condescending snit. the implication here is not that i am the only one that feels this way, i'm sure there are plenty of other people who think and feel exactly as i do. i'm simply, for lack of a better word, bemoaning the predicament in which i seem to find myself.