I'm new here...

stardust's picture

I'm new here...so hi everyone! I'm a 17 year old girl, and a senior. I started 'stalking' Oasis 3 or 4 weeks ago and I finally decided, screw it, and took the leap to join. Though I'm having paranoid thoughts now, wondering if I should keep or delete my account in fears of someone I know finding it. I'm not sure if I'm bi or les, just very confused because I feel mutual attraction. I've been self-questioning about this for maybe a year now, ever since camp last summer. I went to art camp for a week and met a bi girl, a les girl, and a gay guy, and I hung out with him and a straight girl. It was strange the three of us hung out most of the week but I kind of felt like a third wheel. I'm just too shy with new people I guess.

Anyway after that I became way more open about sexual orientation, for other people that is. It didn't even occur to me that I might be, not until around late April. I've had some weird dreams that are suggestive indicators and I took me a while to even allow myself to wonder about this in the back of my mind. I'm just finding more and more indicators in myself, enough to know something's different. I just don't know what I am exactly.

I hate the confusion and I don't know what comes next, it's like I'm in limbo or something. So any advice would be much appreciated. I don't really have anyone to talk to about this so hopefully I can make some friends here. My friends and family have no idea whatsoever. Well that's it, I should go to sleep now. Night...

Comments

Israfel's picture

Well...

Welcome! =D

I'm not very good at the whole giving advice thing, so I should let someone else do this or something but I may as well part with these few words of wisdom --
Don't worry about it. Don't worry about putting a label on your sexuality, just let whatever will be, be. Y'know what I'm getting at here?
Don't know if that'll help you any, but I tried, so brownie points.
And brownies. For everyone.
=3

-- You like my helm? It's +5 sexterity. Like dexterity, but with 'sex' on the front... yeah...

stardust's picture

thanks

Thanks for the wisdom. :-) You certainly do get brownie points.
oh and funny icon~

Israfel's picture

Haha, wewt :D Yay for

Haha, wewt :D
Yay for brownie points and wisdom actually being wisdom for once. Eheh.

-- You like my helm? It's +5 sexterity. Like dexterity, but with 'sex' on the front... yeah...

carmen143's picture

Hey Hi and Hello!!!

Welcome!
I agree you don't have to have a label.
But if you enjoy labels sometimes waiting can help.
Everything will work out eventually. :)
<3 FLAME ON! <3

stardust's picture

Thanks. I don't particularly

Thanks. I don't particularly like labels, but with the confusion sometimes I wish I had one just out a wish for some clarity, you know? Cool icon by the way, where do you find icons? I have no idea where to find one. My tech savy is bare bones.

~peace

carmen143's picture

So Is Mine. :)

I just went to google and typed in Cool Gay Icons on the images page.
<3 FLAME ON! <3

ferrets's picture

hmmmm

time will tell, time will tell. but in the mean time, welcome to oasis! do you like ferrets?

without ferrets, this world would be hell in a a hamster cage

stardust's picture

!

Oh man, I laughed out loud when I read your comment, so random. I would have to say yes I do like ferrets. I used to have two hamsters. The first one was sweet and used to break out of his cage, the second one, she turned out to be not so sweet. So I think I agree with "without ferrets, this world would be hell in a hamster cage" you see the girl (Hershey) horded the food and then she attacked the guy (Midnight) and killed him. Then she died a few months later. Hamsters= too much drama!

thanks 4 the welcome~

in rainbows's picture

how do?

:)
welcome to oasis! :D
and you dont need a label :) as long as you're happy. thats what matters
:D

"he who laughs last didnt get it, but he who laughs first has the dirtiest mind."

stardust's picture

Thank you for the welcome.

Thank you for the welcome. And you're right about happiness being the thing that matters. Doesn't mean its easy though. Funny tag by the way. :-)

Merric's picture

Welcome.

You don't have to have everything figured out right away. Things like this take time.

stardust's picture

Hi, I think most of the

Hi, I think most of the important things do take a while to figure out. I didn't expect to know overnight or anything, it's just disorienting when yet another thing is added figuring myself out, something that I ignored as long as possible and now have to deal with. However long it takes. So thanks, and
cool icon. :-)

Siovampire's picture

hey hey! welcome to the

hey hey! welcome to the awesomeness that is oasis!!!! if you're looking for a place to unload and be accepted and heard this is DEFINATELY the place for you. no one will judge you but they will only do their best to help and give advice if you want it.

speaking of which, if you ever wanna talk you can private message me :) i'm a lesbian but i remember the questioning phase and i know how much its awkward and hurts sometimes. welcome again chickie!!!

stardust's picture

Hi, yes I think I will like

Hi, yes I think I will like Oasis. I 'stalked' you guys for a few weeks just to see the atmosphere and general feeling I guess. Thank you for the offer to PM, that is very sweet of you.

:-)

Siovampire's picture

yub yub! we're a pretty

yub yub! we're a pretty awesome bunch of chickenbutts.

will's picture

Welcome! And you definitely

Welcome! And you definitely won't regret joining. I hope at least :P
As for advices, I agree with all above. =)

Nothing is good or bad, but thinking makes it so.

stardust's picture

Oh thank you. I don't think

Oh thank you. I don't think I will regret it. I was just have a momentary bout of paranoia when I first journaled last night. Seriously though while replying to comments I'm casting furtive glances around my room and listening for warning noises of parents and brother visits. Lol, people don't really knock in my house.

Is Will short for something? I've know quite a few Williams (2 in my family), one childhood friend who is now Will, and a friend from camp named Wilmarie. I called her Wil, and Marie. I'm like a magnet for any form of Will, I just keep meeting them! lol :-)

will's picture

No problem =) Dont worry,

No problem =) Dont worry, the paranoia fades as you come here more often. A Will magnet? LOL It's just Will btw, but thanks for asking.

Nothing is good or bad, but thinking makes it so.

tenmilestilts's picture

haha, all these hellos must

haha, all these hellos must be rather overwhelming. but i'll add mine to the throng--welcome to oasis!

my feelings were similar to yours when i first joined oasis, only three months ago now. and i know how frustrating and scary it is to all of a sudden not know who you are. but as a couple others have said, the label isn't necessary. it may come with time, and it may not. i (overanalyzer though i am) try to let that be. i hope oasis will help you become more comfortable with yourself as it has done for me. if you ever need to talk to someone, or just spill, don't hesitate to PM here or on facebook. *hugz*
---
Two wrongs don't make a right but three lefts do!

stardust's picture

haha, Hi!

Hi! Yes it's a bit a bit overwhelming, but in a good way. I can relate to you, I am an overanalyzer myself, and I usually can't make one decision. I'm soo indecisive it's crazy, I will make 10 decisions before I make a real one in my head. Lol. Thank you for the offer to PM! Oh and I am a fellow bookworm. :-)

tenmilestilts's picture

haha

i love my fellow bookworms ^^
what's your favorite recent read? i've been reading a lotta crappy teen fiction all summer...now that school's started i'm gonna try to stop frying my brain XD
---
Two wrongs don't make a right but three lefts do!

stardust's picture

:)

Well just on Saturday, from like 2am-7am I was reading Blood Promise by Richelle Mead. I finished it this afternoon (Sat.) So yeah I basically inhaled that book in less than 24 hours. :) It's a teen fic about vampires and half-vampire bodyguards at a vampire academy. It's the 4th in a series and I really like it. And I just started American Gods by Neil Gaiman, I'm on page 3 I think, lol. What books have you been reading? Stop frying your brain, lol. I get it but honestly I think you need to just veg out on teen or non-classical books periodically. I mean I have a horrible habit of reading several books at once. I get distracted or lose interest, so if I read something in a marathon, then it's pulling me in, and that's good in my book. :) (whoa, pun not intended, but clever me, haha)

lacking_direction's picture

Hey welcome to Oasis! I'm

Hey welcome to Oasis! I'm sure you've noticed that everybody is really friendly here. Feel free to get anything off your chest that you need to. Questioning sucks doesn't it? Lol, it can be both exhilarating and scary at the same time. You can PM me too if you ever want. Can you tell we all looove getting messages? haha

perple's picture

Oh God. It hasn't been until

Oh God. It hasn't been until recently (I started questioning around a year ago) that I have even gotten close to being sure of myself. There will be moments where I'm like "I am gay" and then I'll swing around and doubt myself. I almost never felt how it seemed everyone else felt about coming out to yourself, and I eventually had to lear not to define yourself too soon, whether that's in the les/bi/straight categories. But yeah, I've already said hey ;), but just wanted to extend my virtual hand formally on the website and shake yours.

perple's picture

Don't delete your profile! I

Don't delete your profile! I don't what I would have done without this website. You'll probably have a lot better time at university, but Oasis helps a ton.