Lilies are all I see

AoiYumi's picture

Dearest Alyssa,

Do you remember going on adventures with me? Do you remember the city bus, the university, or the little flower shop downtown? Do you remember getting a little flower from the lady at the flower shop? I do. I remember when it broke as you got off the bus, and you screamed my name and cried. I picked you up and carried you all th way home in my arms, holding the broken flower.

Before I put you down for a nap, I put the flower in a little cup and filled it with water to show you that it is still a beautiful flower. You cried yourself to sleep.

You will grow up and become a beautiful young woman. I am sorry that I have to miss watching you twirl around, go to school for the first time, watch your first performance (whatever it may be), celebrate all of your birthdays and holidays, comfort you when your heart is broken, and whatever special moment arises thereafter. You may hold some resentment towards me, but trust me when I say that I never wanted to leave you. I never wanted to give you up. But I had to for your own good.

I wanted to stay but it only would have hurt you. I tried to stay until I understood that it hurt you. The hardest part is knowing where you are, and how to reach you, but not being able to. Instead I watch you grow up through the eyes of strangers. I know that you miss me because I am told so.
I wish I could be your mother again. You will always be my little girl. I am always here for you. Even though you will forget about me, I will think of you everyday, and imagine your beautiful, golden hair shining in the sunlight while you twirl in our living room.

I wish I would have played with you more. I wish I would have taught you more. I wish I would have had all the energy in the world to play at the parks with you every single day. I would have read to you everynight. But I was too young and selfish to see how much you really needed all of that. I will never make these mistakes again.

I love you with all of my heart Alyssa. I could never love anyone in this world more. You will always be my beautiful daughter.

Love,

Courtney

Comments

fox333's picture

woah. What happend?

woah. What happend?