So girl from camp... love-interest-girl from camp... presumably straight-love-interest-girl from camp... is a bit of a space cadet about returning txts, emails, etc. Now because of my own funny insecurities, I'm always second-guessing my friendships with people, wondering if I'm "that annoying kid" who people secretly dislike, and who's too oblivious to notice it. So I'm always paranoid that I'm pissing people off with whatever I do, and that everyone secretly dislikes me. So when this girl is being a space case and not returning my txts, all I can think of is, "she's ignoring me because I annoy the shit out of her." And I mean, I'll send one txt and she won't respond, a few days later I send her something else and she responds within the hour. Paranoia? Probably. Does that make it any easier to stop? No. It's not helped by the fact that we were not close at all at camp last summer--this past summer we became friendly. Not close, but on the verge of something--I like to think of it as "latent friendship," which may sound really weird to anyone but me. But the point is, I'm so paranoid about getting in touch with her, I feel like I'm walking on eggshells and it's ridiculous and really annoying. I txt her and have miniature flip-outs every time I pick up my phone for the next two hours, until I resign myself to the fact that she's not gonna reply and probably severely dislikes me anyway and wonders why I keep trying to contact her when she's so clearly blown me off, and then I get all mopey. GROAR.
I start therapy tomorrow. Leeeettle flipped out. Not for any logical reason. It's just big and scary. Gack.