Listen to this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BDTVAPg0RY4 while you read it.
she felt as if her heart might contract and yet expand, filling itself with the world and the universe, drifting through all that ever was, all the was to become. she lay back on the cool ground, content to feel the grass tickling her neck, her ribs, the backs of her knees and she smiled at what could have been but never was. it was not a sad smile, nor was it a grin of happiness. it was just a smile. only a smile. a smile of what one should smile about. a smile of pure and content knowing of what should be. that tug, that all familiar tug somehwere within where she knew her soul should be. not painful no, but troublesome nonetheless. the tug towards nothing that never was. that tug towards the knowable and yet unknowable. the tug towards what had never been and yet she knew. she really and truly knew that somewhere, it had been what was now. that if she wished and dreamed hard enough it could be. that tug towards what the universe could never in all its lifetimes explain. what stars whispered in their winking dreams. that ache, that all too familiar ache of loneliness but not despair. that ache where her wings should be, where her soul should be, where her heart, her love, her smiles, her laughter, where everything should be and was. where life and death and beauty and knowledge all connected in one whirling chaos of existence.