Lyexsah's picture

I've gotten more paranoid lately.

And I have a deep-rooted hate for Greyish-green minivans in the Provo area.

I'm sleepy, and my hand is kinda hurting today..

I worked for hours on a project for computer class and gained nothing for it.

A nice pick-me-up, though, was that my US History teacher has freshman classes, and they were coloring maps, so when my Junior CE class came in, they were still sitting out. I took the whole box and colored all period while we were watching a movie.

We also watched a movie in Russian. I love Russian class because there's this girl I kinda have a crush on or something, we're friends or whatever, and we have fun in that class, and those two Ukranian boys are cute.

And I'm confused.

Very confused.

You see, there's this guy named Joe I've known for a little over two years. I'v always really liked him. He lives in Cali, and we've never REALLY met but we chat on a bunch of different websites, and we call and text eachother, and we met on XBOX LIVE. He really wants to come see me for Halloween. Things are looking bleak but I still feel so excited.

And that boy, Jeff in my computer class? He likes me. I flirt with him, I'd like to date him...

But the second I start flirting or whatever, I feel so guilty, I feel like I'm cheating on Joe or something. I mean, it wouldn't confuse me so much if it werent for the fact that, honestly, I have never once in my life felt guilty about flirting, both in the presence of other guys I'm known to flirt with, and flirt while I'm dating people or whatever. It never bothered be because I think it's just something playful and fun and stuff, it's not serious unless you make it serious.

And I think Jeff's gonna ask me out! Ahh~ Help! >.<

And ugh, what's worse is I still don't know if I'm even lesbian or just bi! I mean, really, what if something works out, and there's this great relationship, and then, -oops-, turns out I am? Then I'm heartbroken and he[whoever that he is] is heartbroken, and UGH. Things would be easier if I just knew already...


lacking_direction's picture

I don't see the problem. You

I don't see the problem. You like Jeff and you want to date him, so you flirt with him. Now he might ask you out. Sounds like the flirting was working. I wouldn't feel bad about flirting. You are not dating Joe. You haven't even met. Do you think that somehow in your mind flirting with Jeff makes your chances with Joe go down? As far as I see it, you are single, flirt with whoever you want! Enjoy yourself.

Lyexsah's picture

I think

what bothers me most is that I know Joe and I fit together really well emotionally/personality-wise, and I really would like something between us to work out. :/

I mean, he really wants to, is willing to drive eight hours just to come see me for a day or two, which I don't know anyone who would do that for me.

Jeff is cute, but I still don't know him at all. That's my main issue, and I know that even thugh he likes me, there's someone he likes more.

I mean it's true, and I've tried telling myself that but it doesn't seem to help much. I mean it's like, no one would want to drive out to see a girl he's been wanting to see for two years only to find out she's taken all the sudden, I mean personally I would be hurt if that happened to me.