She really needs to figure her shit out. She's still being all edgy on me. I went with the only course of action I could see.... convince enough people that I'm over her, and maybe I'll convince myself. She is a bitch, after all. Selfish, clueless, oblivious, mean. And yet I'd still jump off a fucking cliff to even have a conversation with her.
More and more people know that I'm gay. It gets easier to talk about it with every discussion I have. Apparently a lot of the other freshman girls feel really disconnected with me because I always lock into myself. So, I've decided that from now through Wednesday, I'm only going to hang out and get into conversations with other freshman girls. Just to see.
It's impossible to even begin to describe how much I need to be loved right now. I need a shoulder that won't duck away, hands that won't push, lips that won't frown, a heart that won't turn to stone.
It doesn't feel like so much to ask. I may not be hot, I may not be perfect. But I'm not ugly, I'm not nasty, I'm always there for anyone who needs it. It feels like all I get for all my trying is pushed away and rejected, again and again.
25 days till Thanksgiving break.