I hooked up with E. Who is a freshman boy. Which means he has no judgement. And is a "he". He knows I don't like guys, he was one of the first people I told. And he was so great about it. He's my best friend here. But then we were sitting out on a bench at Upper Field, and it was dark, and we were just talking, laughing, whatever. And then, all of sudden, he was kissing me, and I was kissing him back. Jesus, I don't know why, he's not even that cute by guy standards, but he's just so sweet, and I'm just so absolutely starved for affection... and then he was feeling me up, and I didn't stop him *headdesk*, and then it was time for study hall, so we walked back to the dorms. His arm around me, like always. WHAT DO I DO aaaaagggh. I really love him, he's a great guy, but not in that way. I can't get myself caught up in this "I WILL convince myself to be attracted to a guy" thing again. I already know it doesn't work.