so, i realize that the previous post seemed very optimistic, and i suppose that was how i was feeling, in a manner of sorts.
but, things weren't that great.
i havent been dating my ex-boyfriend for awhile now, but we would still hang out constantly and make love, cuddle, and generally be loved.
it's just, i can't anymore though. he's pursuing another girl and doesn't seem to see anything wrong with not only telling me this, but also still hanging out with me and acting like he doesn't like another girl.
i didnt even bother explaining it to him, it would have been much too dramatic. so when he asks to hang out, ive been saying that i'm busy. i dont send him cute texts anymore, i dont call. i think i was afraid to do this earlier (one of the reasons) because i knew what his reaction would be and i didnt want it, it hurt too much-- that he would be sad, but not upset, and wouldn't really try hard at all to get me back.
but i'm okay. i actually feel pretty happy. i've just been surrounding myself with friends and people, doing my homework, sleeping, eating. normal shit.
i cant believe i'm saying this, but not only am i okay right now, i think i'll be okay even in a week, a month.
in other news, i love Joss Whedon. I mean, i always have, but i think it's worth announcing. haha.
i'm applying to Simon's Rock at Bard College for Early College, too, at the moment. i really hope i can go. it would be the perfect thing right now, what i need. to get away and truly move on, literally.
this is sort of a rambling update, but. i guess i might as well go on, i've already started-- i dont care about weight anymore. i eat like a normal person and i dont even think about it. cool, huh?
writing a lot. poetry, only, actually. im starting to feel trapped within my own poems, though, i feel like theyre all starting to sound the same. as if ive simply been writing the same poem over and over, in countless ways. its a scary thought. though i suppose that could be said for any poets work. themselves regurgitated infinitely.
i have a lot of homework today and just generally in this month and the upcoming one as well. it makes me feel a bit overwhelmed, and i think it's mostly because i don't find any of it worth it, except maybe the readings. but the projects.. jesus. pointless.
maybe i'll write more later when i think of it.
but this is it for now.