Can you be gay w/o ever having a crush on anybody?

perple's picture

This is a personal thing, since I've never really had a true crush on anybody. I've only ever been truly attracted to girls, but I've never had a crush on anyone. So, does this count me as queer yet? It seems like a good discussion topic, and as long as you're all polite, I won't be pissed off at your answer.

fox333's picture

I don't think that you need

I don't think that you need a cloud to be a rainbow.

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
Oscar Wilde

Lol-taire's picture

Bete noir

I hate the word 'crush'.

I'd take crush to just mean being attracted to someone. If I had to use it.
Do you mean it like major lose-your-mind-and-good-sense-and-possibly-your-friends infactuation with someone?

I've only been head over heels about three girls- oh god actually four I'd just erased one of them on grounds of my own good taste. But I've been attracted to lots of women, or I find lots of women attractive.

I think it's inevitable that we all fall hard for people sometimes, or if we don't it's very, very sad.

kuu2's picture

... doesnt. :)

Life is easily complicated.

jeff's picture


I don't think you can be human without having a crush on somebody at some point, so give it time...

Of course, if you've been attracted to them, it seems like you have the capacity. Not to mention, crushes are usually unrequited, largely mental infatuations with disinterested parties, so if you overanalyze things, you could avoid them for all those reasons...

I mean, if you look on Oasis, most people's crushes are straight people in relationships who don't know the interested party is interested in the same sex, let alone them. So, it's not like this is some healthy rite of passage.

If you can go without one, you might be better off in the long run.

"People who are happy are slugs... They do not move the human race forward."
-- Camille Paglia, on Oasis

tenmilestilts's picture

that's like asking, if

that's like asking, if someone has never had a crush but she's only attracted to guys, is she straight? as far as anyone can tell, yes.

time will tell for sure, but it seems like you are historically queer (as much emotional history as you have) so i would stick with that. i know it's hard, but try to not try so hard to label yourself. it only causes pain.
Two wrongs don't make a right but three lefts do!

kahough's picture

Everyone defines a crush

Everyone defines a crush differently. If you haven't had what you define as a crush, that is perfectly fine. Also you don't need to have a crush to define yourself. Labels are not meant for people. You just need to know in your heart who you are attracted to. Crushes are exactly what they sound like. You like someone, and you get crushed when they do not have the same feelings you have. A crush is just something designed for widdling away the time until a relationship. It is best to not have crushes, in the end it hurts less.

The definition for queer is strange or odd from a conventional viewpoint. All of us in the GLBT community are queer. Whether you have had crushes or not, as long as you feel in your heart who you are, no one can judge you.

Love yourself, love others, come to terms with who you are.