The final Straw.

swimmerguy's picture

Well, after I finished my previously mentioned breakdown, I continued with my life for a brief few hours. But then my gf texted (A bit of explanation on this: she's a chick from my swim team that asked me out. I couldn't say no. I just couldn't. I really do like her, but only as a friend. I can't say no to anyone.) We talked a few hours, then she ended by telling me "I love you.....more than you know". My realization of how much she actually liked me then set me off again. What was I supposed to tell her? That I can't love her, such a thing is impossible, and I've been lying this whole time? I said I loved her back, and I do, but only as a friend. Why can't I like her? Why can't I be like the other guys? Why does it have to be me? She IS awesome, but she's still a girl. Can't do it. I can't do anything, except continue. I have to choose between being cruel to her, or cruel to myself. Does anyone understand or have any suggestions? I'll take ANYTHING D: (emphasize the ANYTHING AT ALL)

Comments

Uncertain's picture

Are your reservations more

Are your reservations more to do with yourself or to do with her? Either way you should tell her sooner or later. Because you're not really helping her from lying to her any longer. That's not doing either of you any justice.

Tophat's picture

Throw her out.

Hmm. Still in toughlove mode. Fine, anyways,

Keeping her as your girlfriend is not only stupid and harmful to YOU, it's going to hurt her if you keep her around too long, and the longer she's there the harder it'll be for her to accept you.

As for yourself, you already KNOW how hard it's hurting you BECAUSE IT ALREADY IS.

Solution: Come out to her. She probably won't believe/accept it, but insist. I mean it, don't keep her around.

Darling, I care about you, and I know what you're going through. Stop this madness, and end it with her. I wish there was a less cruel answer, but YOU ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN HER, at least to me, to you, and to your family. Because if being with her is hurting you, you need to look after yourself.

Please, trust me. I do know what I'm saying.

Super Duck's picture

Lose the girlfriend.

It's not fair to her or to you if you stay together... You HAVE to dump her. Yeah, it's going to suck for her at first, but then you'll both be able to find someone that makes you happy.

elph's picture

Yes, Chad... We Do Understand!

Chad! You are not alone.

I am confident that considering the hour of your two recent posts and the responses that you have already received... you can be very confident that your angst is both understood and felt!

Many young teens have faced similar dilemmas and have survived their very worst fears of rejection by parents and friends. Although I am old enough to have been your grandfather [of course, I wasn't :-)]... just appreciate that you are growing up in a much more accepting society than that which existed even as recently as 15 years ago! Despite your very normal concerns... all will turn out well!

You should feel no obligation to broadcast to all your boxed-in emotions! What you should guard against is that news might inadvertently reach your parents. If this is seen as a distinct possibility (I hope not), and if you have not already spoken calmly with them... only then should you consider biting the bullet and explain to them what you have been experiencing.

You selectively choose the proper time, place, and with whom (i.e., parents and trusted friends) you lay bare your highly guarded secrets. I can't tell you exactly when that time will be... but it should not be before you feel that the time is right!

I think you have received a number of excellent responses: However, I wish you would pay particular attention to the comments from uncertain (not that the comments made by others are any less worthy): You remind me very much of going through the same trials as those he was experiencing (and wrote quite eloquently about) five years ago when he matched your current age. I detect that you are similar in many ways --- this being gleaned solely from the similarities in your forthright (and unusually eloquent --- for your ages) descriptions of your experiences. In addition, I'm quite confident that your fellow (same-aged) Washingtonian will soon be adding his encouragement: it was only a few weeks ago that he survived confiding to a receptive (not immediate, but not long-delayed) mother...

Chad! Persevere... you have a very promising future.

Dracofangxxx's picture

I'm sorry Chad *hug* It'll

I'm sorry Chad *hug*
It'll be ok if you tell her. I hope she understands; but then again I know I wouldn't. Just try to break it to her gently. I dunno how I can help with this... I'm sorry...
Lately it seems everyone's getting heartbroken... Or is it just me? D:
-
Sometimes I like to sit at night and stare at the lamppost because it's the brightest thing in my life...
Until I see you again, anyways, my love...

fox333's picture

I have a brilliant idea.

I have a brilliant idea. Tell her that you want to try to make it work with her. Then tell her that you are gay. In a couple of weeks you are free to dump her.

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
Oscar Wilde

Tophat's picture

No.

Fox, that would hurt her far more than necessary.

You only want to hurt her if she doesn't leave you alone and becomes a fag hag.

---------------------------------------------------
"What is life but a constant search for pleasure? I think that the feeling of a young man's tongue inside your mouth is the greatest pleasure of all."
-The Baron Van Oestregan

elph's picture

I'm With Tophat On This...

...Never, ever, knowingly try to hurt someone else's feelings! Deception makes one (i.e., the deceiver) feel like a horse's *** in addition to hurting the victim.

fox333's picture

Hmmmmm I guess my I idea of

Hmmmmm I guess my I idea of letting someone down gently is not really gentle..... please ignore my advice then.

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
Oscar Wilde

elph's picture

You Know... After I Posted My Comment...

I really wanted to add that I didn't think you were serious... My comment was meant for those who may have agreed. Sorry for not stating my position more clearly.

fox333's picture

Hmmmm I was serious, though

Hmmmm I was serious, though I probly should have mentioned the trying to see if you could really love her in the time that you are still going out. I am sorry that I did not realize that my idea was hurtful. I certainly did not mean for it to be so.

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
Oscar Wilde