Anyways, I really don't care. But today was seriously THE worst day of my entire life. I had to spend about seventy percent of my day being around Jonah and Brea. Making out. GROSS.
I cried, I ran away, I did everything in my power to NOT hurt anybody. Argh. I have... serious emotional problems. I wish I didn't, but I do, and not hurting people is hard for me. I feel worse and worse every time I have to admit that. I don't want to be a monster.
But sometimes my mind is more violent than my body wants to be. I threw up today. I barely ate anything. I feel so... unloved. I guess I can't argue, I'm too emotionally unstable to really be loved by anybody worthwhile. I'm just... someone who drives people away...
Why... Can't she just find another guy....
They won't be together forever... After all, forever's just a year a month and six days....
"Take me, angel of fallen sky
I honestly would love to die
But suicide is a petty sin
And life's a game I cannot win
So bless me heaven up above
Either death befall me or true love
I want to leave this shattered life
Full of such unwanted strife
Tell me now, have I deserved?
All the pain that has emerged?
Am I so cold, bad, and needy
A broken car that's stuck on empty?
I don't want to love this stupid boy-
For him I was just a toy...
Don't even dare to say I was not
He was just a painful lesson taught;
Do not trust with all your heart
Or else it'll be broken all apart
Just stay away, an open distance
If you want a stable balance
Love's a game that's hard to play-
Although I'd play it any day
I want to feel like I belong
And that my choices aren't always wrong...
I try so hard to be different-
Nice, loving, fun, and valiant;
But I try too hard, I always fail
I'm weak and stupid and I'm frail
I wish I could be this awesome girl
One who could change the world!
Being selfless and kind to all
My love and my smile would enthrall!
All the people from near and far-
Would come to see the shining star!
Then finally the world would see!
That wonderful star happens to be me!"
I need more friends.