coming overyone

tenmilestilts's picture

I'm so tired of coming out. I'm out to perhaps a dozen people now, and honestly, I'm tired of it. I'm tired of the heart-in-throat stress before and during, tired of the feeling of foolishness for worrying when the reaction is "Oh! ...Well that's perfectly okay," or somesuch. I wish that I could just get it over with. I wish I was already out to everyone. I'm ready for everyone to know, I just don't want to go through the hassle of it.

I've considered switching my now-blank Facebook "Interested in" box to "Women" and "Men", but that would miss out on everyone I know who isn't on Facebook, most notably my grandparents on both sides. And I spent three hours last night looking at rainbow, queer, and bisexual T-shirts online, imagining simply wearing one to school someday.

I really wish I could just come out to everyone all at once--just get it over with, quick and--well, maybe not easy, but short. I have enough people I know are on my side that even if some people react badly, I'll still have support. But then it comes down to the fact that I simply don't know how to come out to my whole school and extended family in one go.


swimmerguy's picture

Oh, I hear ya girlfriend

I always wished that everyone just KNEW, and I didn't have to tell them. I just told the gossip girls and then they told everyone for me. It clears out all the stress of coming out.

I still have to tell my parents and family, save my brother.

And I wear a rainbow piano wristband all the time to make it even easier.

"I bust mine so I can kick yours" ~ design on a swimming t-shirt

tenmilestilts's picture

...I like the rainbow

...I like the rainbow wristband idea...I shall have to obtain something of the sort. =)
Two wrongs don't make a right but three lefts do!

stardust's picture


I'm not out to anyone yet, but I can only imagine how exhausting it can get after the first half dozen people or so, after telling all the immediate people in your life. I get that you want to be out, it sounds frustrating. Maybe you should buy a couple of those t-shirts and just wear them around everybody who doesn't know and when they ask just be honest? =) Now I wanna go look at rainbow t-shirts...

Anyway maybe you should just make time to sit down with your grandparents and tell them, then let your family pass it down the extended grapevine? I don't know if that'd work in your case. Maybe your parents could tell their respective parents?

Good luck, I hope you figure out an easy way to tell everybody.

Oh what about a coming out party? Huh? ;-) Lol jk, that'd be awesome though, right? A queer coming out party? I guess that would only happen in uber-liberal families. *sigh*

tenmilestilts's picture

Haha--I wanna coming out

Haha--I wanna coming out party! That'd be so neat! lolol

But yeah, I like the idea for my family...let my parents and grandparents deal with it...hmm...*considering look*
Two wrongs don't make a right but three lefts do!

stardust's picture

I know!

I want one too now that I thought about it! Lol, well we can dream. =) But seriously I think it'd be awesome to really have one in a few years, or just whenever I'm ready. But I wouldn't until I'm out of my parent's house, then I'd let all my awesome future queer friends throw a very very queer party! ;-p

You just need to think about how you want them to find out. Even though it's a hassle and it makes you nervous just building up to it, you might decide you want it to come from you, so there's no misunderstanding. You could just make a shirt or something. I've looked up queer shirts online and seen the bisexual one's, which I like. They're like 3 different colored line, pink, purple, and blue, supposed to stand for the middle, i.e. bi. So maybe that? Or not? You could just say how much you have a crush on so and so and let them figure it out or ask. But just think before you act on anything. Good luck!

tenmilestilts's picture

Thanks! I really do wanna

Thanks! I really do wanna get a couple T-shirts...
Two wrongs don't make a right but three lefts do!

Dracofangxxx's picture

I'm too scared to come out

I'm too scared to come out to anybody but close friends and people online.

So I feel your pain.
Sometimes I like to sit at night and stare at the lamppost because it's the brightest thing in my life...

zi_4_ever_you_for_now's picture

I just left a note in one of

I just left a note in one of my desks at school. and by the end of the day. everyone knew. it was super easy, but that was one loooooong day.

ferrets's picture


you could like, at prom, run up , steel the dj's mike, and let them have it...

experince the awe and mystery that reaches from the deepest inner mind to the outer limits!

tenmilestilts's picture

haha, you overestimate my

haha, you overestimate my a long shot. =P
Two wrongs don't make a right but three lefts do!

Wolfcry's picture

T-T I wanna have that

T-T I wanna have that hassle.... I think the only people who DON'T know(and never did) are my big brothers... Everyone always tells me "Its kinda obvious" and I'm all "WTF? How?!?"


Listen to the howling winds of your heart, and if the beat moves you, dance. "I wanna heal, I wanna feel, what I thought was never real!"

Gabby21's picture


I started to write some advice and then realized I don't have any to give. I'm not "out" per say...just to my mom and sister (I assume my dad knows because I did tell him once but we haven't talked about it since then...), my friends, and a lot of people at school. I did have my facebook status say "interested in women" for a bit until I added my cousin and I'm not sure what she is comfortable with (however I know my Uncle would make my mom and maybe mine unpleasant...understatement of the year). I admire your bravery :D I feel I should make more of an effort to come "out" especially since I am an executive officer in my university's LGBT and ally group. It is important to lead by example in being honest about oneself, being brave, and encouraging pride. Then again it is different for everyone...I'm sorry I didn't mean this to be a ramble about myself. Again, KUDOS! :D You are a LGBT warrioress! Good luck with letting everyone know...rainbow colored items are excellent and I'm all for ferrets prom announcement idea ( I think you could totally bolster your confidence and rock it! :D )

tenmilestilts's picture

the prom i

the prom i blush just thinking about it. no kidding.

haha...i like that...LGBT warrioress! lol XD
Two wrongs don't make a right but three lefts do!

Fiona Rosge's picture


This is why you all need to read Keeping You a Secret, it talks about this stuff towards the end, its what the whole storys about, a relationship and keeping it a secret. I came out to all my friends first, my cousin was kind of scary but shes fantastic now, and then I worked on my family, which actually took me a year to do and honestly what I did was I made an OUT AND PROUD t-shirt with my friend and I just wore it around the house one day, my stepdad questioned it and I sat down and told him. My mom took a little more time to come around but she didn't react badly, it was just harder. but it is such a relief and such a rush to get it over with. And to the people who weren't my friends I said to heck with them, let them think what they want or find out on there own, if someone asked me "Are you a lesbian?" I'd answer yes, thats it. There was no stuggle except with my oboxious cousins who loved to make gay jokes and my grandparents, aunt and ucle who I can never tell because they are mormon and would probably disown me...
Come Josephine in my flying machine
Going up she goes up she goes
Balance yourself like a bird on a beam
In the air she goes there she goes
Up, up, a little bit higher
Oh, my, the moon is on fire