So as I mentioned last night, I just recently made my Oasis comeback after a two year hiatus. The main reason why: I am in a dead end relationship and need to get my thoughts out.
I've been with her for 14 months and we have definitely had our fair share of problems, but none like the ones I have been dealing with lately. I'd love to tell all the younger ones here that relationships are easy and even if you love one another today, it doesn't mean tomorrow your heart can't easily change it's feelings...because it can. Sad news, I know, but S.O.C.K.S. *it is what it is*
Here's my reason for my comeback...please feel free to put in your two cents. I like constructive criticism.
I'm in the need of a confidant.
Lately, I've been feeling like the one person I can tell anything to just isn't there for me anymore. At least not how she once was. I don't think we're going to make it much longer. =( She's part of the reason why I'm so unhappy and although I love her, I don't think I'm in love with her anymore...but I'm afraid to be alone.
I'm afraid of losing a friend. She calls me her best friend all the time, but I don't feel like she's mine. I mean, would a best friend just walk away from the other one while they're bawling their eyes out in a car because THEY'RE uncomfortable? No. After all, it's not suppose to be about them right then and there, it's suppose to be about the so-called "best friend" crying in a car.
She's a very selfish human being. I understand we're humans and we're all selfish, but there are those who aren't afraid to admit that they're selfish and there are those who are. She's one who's afraid to admit it. Instead she just tells me all the time how selfish I am, as if I didn't know it. She calls me a downer all the time, but instead of trying to comfort me, which is all I'm looking for 90% of the time, she becomes a huge jerk.
She has NO sympathy or empathy for anyone. She doesn't have them because she was raised to shut them off. But I am sick of making excuses for her! She has no sympathy or empathy for me because she just doesn't care enough about me to have them.
The more I talk to her about how I'm feeling the more she turns away from the problem. She keeps running away. Pushing away from the problems. Pretending they don't exist. I don't think she understands that if she hurts, I hurt. If she cries, I want to cry. I feel every inch of pain that runs through her body, and she, she feels nothing. She feels annoyance. I don't think she deserves me anymore. I think she has a lot of growing up to do and lot to learn about human relationships.
But I don't know what to do. I can't talk to her anymore. She doesn't listen to what I'm really saying. I kiss her with this empty feeling inside me 75% of the time. I look at her with this sadness in my eyes that I feel and I feel as if she should see it, but she is so unaware of my pain that she doesn't or if she does, she doesn't care.