Dead End

saves_the_day's picture

So as I mentioned last night, I just recently made my Oasis comeback after a two year hiatus. The main reason why: I am in a dead end relationship and need to get my thoughts out.

I've been with her for 14 months and we have definitely had our fair share of problems, but none like the ones I have been dealing with lately. I'd love to tell all the younger ones here that relationships are easy and even if you love one another today, it doesn't mean tomorrow your heart can't easily change it's feelings...because it can. Sad news, I know, but S.O.C.K.S. *it is what it is*

Here's my reason for my comeback...please feel free to put in your two cents. I like constructive criticism.

I'm in the need of a confidant.

Lately, I've been feeling like the one person I can tell anything to just isn't there for me anymore. At least not how she once was. I don't think we're going to make it much longer. =( She's part of the reason why I'm so unhappy and although I love her, I don't think I'm in love with her anymore...but I'm afraid to be alone.

I'm afraid of losing a friend. She calls me her best friend all the time, but I don't feel like she's mine. I mean, would a best friend just walk away from the other one while they're bawling their eyes out in a car because THEY'RE uncomfortable? No. After all, it's not suppose to be about them right then and there, it's suppose to be about the so-called "best friend" crying in a car.

She's a very selfish human being. I understand we're humans and we're all selfish, but there are those who aren't afraid to admit that they're selfish and there are those who are. She's one who's afraid to admit it. Instead she just tells me all the time how selfish I am, as if I didn't know it. She calls me a downer all the time, but instead of trying to comfort me, which is all I'm looking for 90% of the time, she becomes a huge jerk.

She has NO sympathy or empathy for anyone. She doesn't have them because she was raised to shut them off. But I am sick of making excuses for her! She has no sympathy or empathy for me because she just doesn't care enough about me to have them.

The more I talk to her about how I'm feeling the more she turns away from the problem. She keeps running away. Pushing away from the problems. Pretending they don't exist. I don't think she understands that if she hurts, I hurt. If she cries, I want to cry. I feel every inch of pain that runs through her body, and she, she feels nothing. She feels annoyance. I don't think she deserves me anymore. I think she has a lot of growing up to do and lot to learn about human relationships.

But I don't know what to do. I can't talk to her anymore. She doesn't listen to what I'm really saying. I kiss her with this empty feeling inside me 75% of the time. I look at her with this sadness in my eyes that I feel and I feel as if she should see it, but she is so unaware of my pain that she doesn't or if she does, she doesn't care.

Comments

jeff's picture

heh...

Until you learn how to close the bold tag, I just keep deleting them.

Actually, journals shouldn't be in all bold, so... don't learn how to close it. ;-)

---
"Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are." - Kurt Cobain

saves_the_day's picture

EDIT: "...please feel free

EDIT: "...please feel free to put in your two cents. I like constructive criticism."

put in your two cents on THE TOPIC not on my error in the decision to bold which I will now continue to do just to drive you, and whomever else, mad.

Just ask the question, untie the knot

jeff's picture

Well...

You end up bolding the whole site that follows your post when you do that...

It won't drive me mad if you keep doing it. I know how to shut the bold tag off, if it becomes a problem.

Not to mention, sort of defeats the point of using bold for emphasis if your whole post is bold.

---
"Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are." - Kurt Cobain

Dracofangxxx's picture

Sounds exactly like my ex.

Sounds exactly like my ex. She acts alot like him... I think if you break it off, that'd be best. I mean, she might ask for forgiveness and stuff... But... Don't let her back. Unless you're very sure you love her again. It'll be hard for you, even if you don't think so right now. But I think it's best.

Be strong <3
-
Sometimes I like to sit at night and stare at the lamppost because it's the brightest thing in my life...

Wolfcry's picture

Ah, this is where I can

Ah, this is where I can kinda relate to both parties. I am in a world where emotions on sleves get you hurt or killed, so I seem like a robot on the outside, but I still feel and have a heart that beats(even if its slow). I think you should ask her how she feels about you, and tell her to be fully and completely honest. If you think she lies, or you get the best friend thing, take her to at most a good friend but like Draco said: Don't take her back.

If you want a kind of calculated concept on things, feel free to pm me with ALL the details. and don't expect me to make it lighter when I reply, I will be blunt and honest.

"Oh what tangled webs we weave, When we practice to deceive. I know you well, Actions and motives. Bear the cross, wear the crown, it's just some evil you can't bleed out. Hell has to notice, Your actions and motives." 10 Years, Actions And Motives