Four fresh cuts

Dracofangxxx's picture

And a page of dried blood.

I've gotten into my cutting habit again. Damnit. But I do it when I'm bored... It's really not for the pain, blood is a beautiful color and a really fun substance to use artistically. The way it clots helps if I place a bit in the end of a sewing needle, because then I can write with it like a pen. It's interesting. And splatters are very beautiful too.

Don't worry though, I'm not gonna like... Wrist cut D: that's bad. And dangerous. And painful as hell! I hate pain! I cut my ankle. Less nerves, no veins >_< the scars re-open easily. Lotsa blood. Whee!

Anyways. I got a few presents today from mah buddeees. Brea's actually been really nice to me and we made up and stuff. She got me this stuffed alien thing which I named Simon Wonkers. I think. Grarg. And then Jeevan (one dude I sorta wanna go out with) gave me this dragon figure! Outta nowhere! It was soooo sweet. I hugged him X3 I mean seriously, he didn't get anybody else anything... I feel special ;3

Comments

oldfoxbob's picture

Cutting is bad...yeah bad...

Think of the scars that you are putting on your body...and mind. You cut your self to see the cool color...fine...why not get paint that has the same color and consistency as blood and work with that on canvas. Paint with it. Draw with it, write with it..but not blood. Or do it with pig or cow blood that you can buy at the local butcher shop. Do it with that, not your own. Cutting can cause infection, which can cause illness, which if not treated can lead to death. If your not trying to kill yourself then don't cut your self. I am no expert on this subject and only want to let you know people here at Oasis do care about each other. More so than any other web site in the world. I do know that when people cut or hurt them self they are crying out for help, on what I don't know. Only they know that one. Only you know why you do it and what you are seeking. Since you said you started to cut your self "again" implys that you had stopped at some point...why? Why did you start again? What reason? go back to the time you stopped the practice of cutting yourself and ask your self why you stopped and stop again. It really gains nothing but pain, scars, infection etc. good luck on stopping it again. We all care here at Oasis for you and others like you.
OFB

Genius is not a sign of intelligence, but rather
that of common sense. Humor is the best pain pill.

Dracofangxxx's picture

I stopped because Jonah made

I stopped because Jonah made me promise I wouldn't anymore.

And he's gone. So yeah.
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Sometimes I like to sit at night and stare at the lamppost because it's the brightest thing in my life...

Gabby21's picture

Infection

I have to agree with oldfoxbob on the infection part. Please be very careful. Please use hot water, soap, antiseptic, and take care of the cuts. As an individual who used to cut in order to cope with clinical depression I am not going to tell you to stop. However, it doesn't sound like...well usually self-muitilation as oldfoxbob said is usually a cry for help (conscious or not). Please make sure you are getting help and do tell them what you are doing. Going to a school nurse (depending on your age) or really a profession trained to handle such situations... they will help you. If you feel you need to talk please pm me :D My thoughts will be with you and I hope you will be thoughtful too...

Dracofangxxx's picture

I've been trying to get up

I've been trying to get up the courage to go get counseling but I'm very scared to...
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Sometimes I like to sit at night and stare at the lamppost because it's the brightest thing in my life...

Gabby21's picture

Why do you think you are afraid?

Do you think they will make you stop? Are you embarrassed/ashamed (that's why I didn't want to tell anyone...it made me feel completely vulnerable)? Are you afraid to face the possible reasons why you cut?

Dracofangxxx's picture

I think I'm afraid because I

I think I'm afraid because I know people don't like it, and explaining to adults who will nonetheless freak out and be all "DO YOU NEED HELP!? ARE YOU OK!? WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO YOURSELF?!" in my face >.>;;
I don't want people to worry...
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Sometimes I like to sit at night and stare at the lamppost because it's the brightest thing in my life...

Wolfcry's picture

But we luz chew... You no

But we luz chew... You no can hurtz chew nuh mor...

"And yet, to say the truth, reason and love keep little company together nowadays." -William Shakespear, A Midsummer Night's Dream, Act 3, Scene 1

Gabby21's picture

I think that's normal...

Individuals who have not been trained to deal with situations like cutting/ self mutilation immediately go to freak out/rescue mode. If you can find someone who is trained to work with individuals struggling with self-mutilation (especially young individuals) they should be more sedate and open. They will want to know how they can help you and make sure that you are being safe. However the freak out factor should be less.

dude.im.a.gaf's picture

cutting

when you cut, every little intentional cut, you cut out a piece of who you are, and who you will be. will you stop for us, the group, you don't have to cut were strong together, as a whole, as a group. as friends.

Dracofangxxx's picture

I understand :( But it's so

I understand :( But it's so hard to stop.
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Sometimes I like to sit at night and stare at the lamppost because it's the brightest thing in my life...

Wolfcry's picture

I like the color of

I like the color of blood(especialy mine! it haz this light blueish sheen to it) but I just pick at scabs. I don't like the idea of cutting myself. My blood is such a unique color though that I CAN'T use it in paint or ink... funny thing is though, it only has the blue color in sunlight...

Listen to the howling winds of your heart, and if the beat moves you, dance. "I wanna heal, I wanna feel, what I thought was never real!"

Dracofangxxx's picture

You might have an oxygen

You might have an oxygen deficiency. Anyways, yeah, mine dries very dark if I leave it in a puddle. A beautiful crimson...
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Sometimes I like to sit at night and stare at the lamppost because it's the brightest thing in my life...

Wolfcry's picture

lol no when my blood hits

lol no when my blood hits AIR and sunlight it has a metalic blue... like moist molten silver... but its a DEEP garnet in a tube.

"And yet, to say the truth, reason and love keep little company together nowadays." -William Shakespear, A Midsummer Night's Dream, Act 3, Scene 1