Friend said Faggot

perple's picture

So today at my (other) friend's b-day party (he is, btw, bi, and the friend who said faggot knows it), we were playing acting games, and it became this really funny, intense skit about how Edward was actually gay, as was Jacob and Mike Newton, and my friend (who's straight), who was playing Bella, yelled that she was going to leave Edward for that "faggot Mike Newton." Now, my other bi guy friend, who was sitting right next to me, burst out laughing, but I just felt really uncomfortable. Later on, everyone was talking about gay stuff, and I asked her if she had ever thought that I was gay, and she was like yeah, but it didn't matter to her either way. So she's totally accepting in every way, but it still made me feel really uncomofrtable by the way she used faggot. What should I do? I'm seeing her tomorrow, and I think I should just calmly tell her that I know she didn't mean to insult me or anything, but I didn't like that she said it. What do you think should I do?

Comments

TotalGeek42's picture

Hm.. I think you should

Hm.. I think you should tell her that it was uncomfortable to you. She should be made aware that saying that even in the most innocent of ways, and if you don't mean it, can be hurtful to people.

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jeff's picture

Eh...

Tough call, since the defense will likely be that she was saying it in character, and that normally she wouldn't say it herself, etc.

But never hurts to bring it up.

---
"Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are." - Kurt Cobain

Nanook's picture

It didn't seem like she used

It didn't seem like she used it a derogatory form. Rather, she was using it for its intended purpose: to denote homosexuality. However, most people connote the word to be something brash and derogatory.

Even still, the connotation remains, and if it makes you feel uncomfortable, then it makes you feel comfortable. Just tell her that you know that her diction was not intended to be hostile or derogatory, but that, never the less, it's something you don't feel comfortable with using or hearing. Don't make it imperative either - don't use the word "don't". Rather, pose it as a request, such as in the form of "I would greatly appreciate it if you refrained from using that word" or "I would rather you didn't use that word".

ferrets's picture

sigh....

one of my friends did that a while back. i told him that it was the same as using the n word, even when jokiing, it is still cutting and hurts

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perple's picture

I'll let her know how I

I'll let her know how I feel, but not in an attacking way. Thanks for the advice.