i'm just writing because i need to write and i can't sleep. has a little survey for you guys to answer <3

625539's picture

If you want to skip to the little questions, go to Seven.
I seem to always post long journals. TT_TT.

ONE: X. I'll be seeing X tomorrow, he un-ditched me. Yaaaay. I'm not sure if he's only seeing me because I might of bothered him into it or whatever, though. All he would answer to me was «Yeah.» or «Okay.» in his texts. But I'll find out, I guess. . . maybe he was just busy. Maybe he'll make up his mind as to whether he cares or not... We shall find out.

TWO: THIS WEEKEND. I'm looking forward to my weekend! Tomorrow = going downtown to go do some photography with my mother, then going over to X's. Saturday = hanging out with some friends (or maybe X, should he be available) during the day, then partying in the evening. Sunday = hanging out with my sister. So my weekend is like, full. Yay!

THREE: RANDOM. I am craving a cigarette right now. I very rarely smoke, usually only in a social context, and haven't for a while. I know I shouldn't, at all. But I find cigarettes look sexy... aha. :$

FOUR: PARENTALS. My relationship with my parents, especially with my mom, is getting more and more strained. I mean, I usually tell her where I am, who I'm with, ect., but since I never bring friends home, she's concerned, which I get. I'm just not comfortable bringing friends back to my house, because she makes such a big deal about it. And either way, I'm always downtown and it's a bit out of the way for most of my friends. & it's not like I'm going to bring X home to introduce him to her. Also, she's tired of how I just tell her where I am and don't ask for her permission. I mean, I get it. I usually ask for her permission if I'll be out past eleven, if I need a ride, if I'm going to be drinking & such... Otherwise I just tell her I'll be seeing friends and to expect me home by a certain time (I tell her where I am, and I update her by text during my outings about my location and who I'm with) . I get that she wants me to ask her for permission... but I'm almost seventeen, and I feel that as long as I'm not in a situation where I could be into trouble (ex : drinking ) it shouldn't be that big a deal. At the same time, I'm really close to my mom and I tell her about almost everything. I even told her about X (minus his age and the fact that we have sex).

As for my dad, he lives two hours away with my sister and comes here on weekends... I've never really been able to talk to him about anything. Nothing gets through to him. Even if I explain stuff to him he just doesn't listen, or he listens but what I tell him doesn't mean anything. He doesn't take me seriously. He's always worked away from our family. To be honest, I like it that way because I don't have to pretend and stick to small talk all the time. That's seriously all we are, anyways. I wish it wasn't so.

While I'm on the subject of my parents... they don't really accept my sexuality. I mean, they say they do, that they support me no matter what and all that. But once while arguing about something trivial (like the fact that I straighten my hair, or that I wear light foundation if I'm going out) with my dad, I got mad and told him that he wasn't mad because of that but rather because he wishes I wasn't such a faggot. He didn't exactly deny it. And my mom is just like, «You're too young to really know at your age» (I've known since I've been like five, thanks though.) and she thinks it's just a phase. I mean, it hurts. But I hate confrontation of any kind, with anyone. So I suck it up, and eventually I'll blow up.

FIVE: LOVE. I just feel like crying. Even though I should be happy. Even though I have the most wonderful friends anyone could hope for. Even though I get to have sex with someone who's amazing at it. Even though I have an amazing sister who is so supportive and kind and has always been there for me. Even though I'm getting great grades and I attend the top school in my province. Even though I'm from a rather well off family, and I get a roof and food three times a day if I want it. Even though I ordered a babycakes shirt that I've wanted since forever today. Even though I'm not bad-looking and I'm starting to like myself more and more. Because everything in the world means nothing without love. Don't get me wrong, I'm very conscious that I'm a lucky person, that things could be worse, that a great deal of the things that make me unhappy are because of my own weaknesses, that I bring all this upon myself. I suppose it's human nature to not be happy with what you have, though.

Love is really everything a person needs. I would rather be in a really passionate, romantic, loving relationship than be a millionaire and have all the material comforts in the world. I mean, both would be nice...

SIX: OASIS. Writing on Oasis is really therapeutic for me. I find that I get out so much by writing here, things I didn't even know I felt. Because when I write here, I don't feel the need to hide or sensor anything. I'm not here to impress anybody. I'm not here to socialize. (Not that I'm opposed to that at all, feel free to talk to me, I'm nice, I promise.) I'm just here to let go of everything that's inside of me and troubling me and occupying my mind. I also enjoy reading other's journals : even if I don't comment, I've read most of the ones that have been posted since I re-joined two weeks ago. I also enjoy the feedback and support that you guys have given me. So thank you. Even if you're just reading this, thanks. To think that strangers are taking interest in who I am as a person means alot to me.

SEVEN: QUESTIONS.
I'm just curious... Answer some, none, or all.
How's your relationship with your parents? Are you out to them?

Do you think love is a human need, or just something that we want?

What are you doing this weekend?

Are you/have you been in love?

To what lengths would you go for someone you love, romantically or otherwise?

Why do you write on Oasis?

Do you read obnoxiously long journal posts like almost all of mine (okay, all of mine)?

<3, goodnight.

Comments

swimmerguy's picture

Ok...

question 1: My relationship with my parents is pretty good, except that my mom's always angry about something and my dad's never here.
question 2: I think it differs for people. Some are perfectly content to live life alone. I think love is something I definitely want. I totally agreed with your thing about love. I am happy, but I REALLY want a boyfriend...
question 3: I'm going skiing with uber Christian, and swimming
question 4: I cannot say I have ever truly been in love. Not with someone who loves me back...
question 5: If I truly loved them, I would do anything for them, unless it violates any of my fundamental beliefs, such as killing someone.
question 6: I write on Oasis because I have experiences I like to share.
question 7: Yes I do.

"Words are useless, especially sentences. They don't stand for anything. How can they explain how I feel?"~Madonna, Bedtime Story

Dracofangxxx's picture

1.) Pretty bad at some

1.) Pretty bad at some points, but pretty good at others. Depends what mood we're in. I'm definitely in a better relationship with my dad than my mom, my dad's so... awesome X3
2.) I think it's something we want, but some people want it more than others.
3.) Today I'm going to the play at my high school (That I'm not going to yet) with my sister, and then spending the night at her house after. Not sure what I'm doing after that.
4.) I have been in love, yes, and it got me nowhere. I guess you could say I'm getting close to being in love right now, but I'mma just let it flow until I'm sure about it.
5.) I'd do anything for the person I'm in love with. Or love. If they wanted me to, truly wanted me to, and I could physically do it, I'd do it to make them happy. I'm very dedicated to my friends, and otherwise. I feel that I owe them so much, you know? I owe them... well, my life! :D
6.) I write to get it out of my system, and for people to read it.
7.) Yeah, I usually read but I don't have much to say T_T
-
Sometimes I like to sit at night and stare at the lamppost because it's the brightest thing in my life...

TotalGeek42's picture

1) Umm... with my mum it's

1) Umm... with my mum it's surprisingly good (although she claims I'm going through a difficult phase... meh..). My dad? I try not to think about it too much... I mean, he doesn't -beat- me or anything, but.. he's the most controlling person I know.. if he wants us to do something, he'll guilt trip us into doing it. If he doesn't want us to do something, he'll guilt trip us into not doing it. If he thinks that we're doing something wrong, he'll guilt trip us into doing it right... wow, unnecessarily long rant... sorry. xD

2) Hm... we didn't evolve to need love... we evolved to need sex. However, I think that there are people who -want- love so badly that they end up -needing- it... I feel like I, personally, am somewhere in between... What a depressing view on human nature... x_X

3) Umm... studying, I guess. Maybe I'll do something fun, but..

4) In love? Nah... have I loved? Definitely. I love my friends and family like crazy. ^^

5) Very far... there's not too much that worries me. Well, I wouldn't kill somebody, like Chad said, but.. I'd do pretty much anything else.

6) It helps me get out rants that I need to get out... I use it as my own personal pensieve. ;)

7) Haha, I -write- them. If I didn't read them I'd be a hypocrite, no? xD

"Assets, assets..."

"Well I've got a banana, and in a pinch you could put up some shelves..."

"Dreaming that someone unknown has died means that either you've been watching too much CSI..." - 5thstory

Riku's picture

I'm going to jump in here and say,

I disagree completely with #2. Here's why:

Humans are pack animals. People who strayed out on their own would die back when we lived in caves and had to find all of our food. Babies need to be brought up, and their chances of survival increase if there are two parents, and they increase more if the kid has parents, and an uncle, and a sister, and a great aunt and uncle, and his parent's friends, who are also around and willing to help take care of him.

So yeah, love is evolutionary. :)

TotalGeek42's picture

Haha, I s'pose I shoudl

Haha, I s'pose I shoudl clarify.. in writing that I was thinking more of romance... which we didn't evolve to need. We evolved to need three to four years of relationships until the baby was old enough for the mother to take care of it herself.. Mind you, I'm majorly more romantic than this argument would lead me on to be... but I'm sure by now at least -you're- aware of that.. xD

Love as far as friends and family, yeah, we need.. >>

"Assets, assets..."

"Well I've got a banana, and in a pinch you could put up some shelves..."

"Dreaming that someone unknown has died means that either you've been watching too much CSI..." - 5thstory

Riku's picture

Forgive me if I'm wrong, but

Forgive me if I'm wrong, but a spouse counts as family no?

:P

Nanook's picture

How's your relationship with

How's your relationship with your parents? Are you out to them?
Overall, my parents and I have a pretty good relationship. Granted we have our fights, and when we have our fights, well, fuck, it's intense. But that's what my family is: intense. We kid around and joke a lot and they give me the independence I need. My dad understands that I want to have fun, that I want to experiment and that I need space. My mom understands that as well, granted she's maternalistic about me. So of course, she's worried. However, she doesn't try to make that overpowering, because she knows that, in the end, everything'll be aye-oh-kay.

As for my homosexuality, they, well, don't care. If I liked girls, I, to them, would be the same young man I am. I seriously believe that too. Although my mom thinks it ridiculous that I straighten my hair, wear "skin-tight" clothing (we had an intense fight about that a couple days ago), and that I wear make up on occasion. Overall though, my sexuality isn't something to worry about for them.

Do you think love is a human need, or just something that we want?
I'd say that it's a pretty true statement to make that "love" (by whatever definition one has) is fundamental to human existence. Just look at isolation cases. When an individual from an infantile age is forcibly isolated, he or she tends to die by the time puberty hits. However, in the case of a certain individual (I've forgotten her name), she was forcibly isolated with her deaf/blind mother. Due to the affection and love she received from her mother, she didn't die.

What are you doing this weekend?
I think I'm going on a faux-date (I think he likes me, but I only like the kid platonically) tomorrow. Then I'm probably going skiing on Sunday.

Are you/have you been in love?
I'm not sure to be honest.

To what lengths would you go for someone you love, romantically or otherwise?
I'm not sure to be honest.

Why do you write on Oasis?
I'm not sure to be honest. I think I just like to write and I like to respond to people's entries.

Do you read obnoxiously long journal posts like almost all of mine (okay, all of mine)?
On occasion.

Riku's picture

For the record.

I actually did read all of that. :) Now I'm going to write an insanely long response to your questions, if you don't mind. ;)

How's your relationship with your parents? Are you out to them?
I'm out to both of my parents...

My relationship with my dad is fantastic. He's just an amazing dude, so caring and he somehow keeps a roof over our heads and food on our plates, and I don't know how he does it. He's gone through a lot and I really appreciate and respect him for it. We're pretty close.

My mom, on the other hand, I'm constantly tetertotering on the edge of hating her, I never actually do, but I've frequently been very close, and she does everything in her power to deserve it. She is kind of accepting though, she was really surprised when I came out to her, both times. (As trans and then as gay) but she's alright. But she's been really insensitive and selfish about my sister and the divorce and she's such a liar, I don't really like her any more.

Do you think love is a human need, or just something that we want?
It's programmed into our brains, so yes, it's something we need. (Or at least, most people) The same as when we're cold we need warmth or when we're hungry we need food. Emotional health is still a kind of health. I mean, not everyone needs a partner. And some people need it in varying degrees or different types. But most people wouldn't do well with complete isolation.

What are you doing this weekend?
Hopefully, going to Boston and borrowing my friend's super-nice new camera. :)

Are you/have you been in love?
Honestly, I don't even know what in love is supposed to mean. But I know when I love someone. I posted about it in a journal a minute ago actually XD. When I love someone it means that I care about them and when they hurt I hurt and I don't want them to forget about me.

To what lengths would you go for someone you love, romantically or otherwise?
What lengths WOULDN'T I go to? I've driven out in the middle of the night to pick up friends who needed to get out of their house. Even when I was in one of those "I need to be away from everyone" moods. I helped the boy I had a crush on to tell -his- crush that he liked -him-. Which was mad difficult to do, but I'm glad I did. I'd take a bullet for someone I love really, and I wouldn't regret it.

Why do you write on Oasis?
All of the reasons you said in your journal. It's therapeutic.

Do you read obnoxiously long journal posts like almost all of mine (okay, all of mine)?
I'd feel like an ass if I didn't because my journals are obnoxiously long also. :P

typicalmusician's picture

I'm out to my parents...and

I'm out to my parents...and I think it's partly because I felt a wall going up between us where I wouldn't want to talk and I thought letting them know things about my life would help. I'm not sure if it has, but it's nice not to have to worry about it, anyway.

I do think love is necessary. Having lived with and without most kinds of live at various points already in my life...I'm always happier when I love and am loved. Always. It changes me for the better, and changes me a lot, and it's something that I think I need, and from what I've seen, others do to. It's certainly possible to go a long way without it, just like it's possible to live with...I don't know. It's possible to read without glasses if you're nearsighted. But it's more difficult than it should be, and there are some things you just can't get. (Yes, I just compared love to glasses).

I have been in love. And since forgotten how, and it's staying that way for a while. Cryogenics was perfected by our emotions long before it was imagined by our scientists.

I write here...because I know people will read it. Because I know it doesn't matter what I say. Because I can rant and not have it haunt me afterwards. Because...I barely know why, only that it helps.

I read sporadically. You got lucky that I found yours when I was in the mood for a long post, because I also have times when I skip anything that's longer than the preview page. But when I do read the long ones, I read the ones that make me think, or distract me, or something. So it's a compliment, after a fashion.

PS-Although I don't need a full weekend since I've got work to do...it would be nice to have social invitations to turn down (instead of just having an invitation to a seminar type thingy I don't want to pay the admission for that my piano teacher suggested for me...yeah, I'm not going to that.)

-KBO-