If you want to skip to the little questions, go to Seven.
I seem to always post long journals. TT_TT.
ONE: X. I'll be seeing X tomorrow, he un-ditched me. Yaaaay. I'm not sure if he's only seeing me because I might of bothered him into it or whatever, though. All he would answer to me was «Yeah.» or «Okay.» in his texts. But I'll find out, I guess. . . maybe he was just busy. Maybe he'll make up his mind as to whether he cares or not... We shall find out.
TWO: THIS WEEKEND. I'm looking forward to my weekend! Tomorrow = going downtown to go do some photography with my mother, then going over to X's. Saturday = hanging out with some friends (or maybe X, should he be available) during the day, then partying in the evening. Sunday = hanging out with my sister. So my weekend is like, full. Yay!
THREE: RANDOM. I am craving a cigarette right now. I very rarely smoke, usually only in a social context, and haven't for a while. I know I shouldn't, at all. But I find cigarettes look sexy... aha. :$
FOUR: PARENTALS. My relationship with my parents, especially with my mom, is getting more and more strained. I mean, I usually tell her where I am, who I'm with, ect., but since I never bring friends home, she's concerned, which I get. I'm just not comfortable bringing friends back to my house, because she makes such a big deal about it. And either way, I'm always downtown and it's a bit out of the way for most of my friends. & it's not like I'm going to bring X home to introduce him to her. Also, she's tired of how I just tell her where I am and don't ask for her permission. I mean, I get it. I usually ask for her permission if I'll be out past eleven, if I need a ride, if I'm going to be drinking & such... Otherwise I just tell her I'll be seeing friends and to expect me home by a certain time (I tell her where I am, and I update her by text during my outings about my location and who I'm with) . I get that she wants me to ask her for permission... but I'm almost seventeen, and I feel that as long as I'm not in a situation where I could be into trouble (ex : drinking ) it shouldn't be that big a deal. At the same time, I'm really close to my mom and I tell her about almost everything. I even told her about X (minus his age and the fact that we have sex).
As for my dad, he lives two hours away with my sister and comes here on weekends... I've never really been able to talk to him about anything. Nothing gets through to him. Even if I explain stuff to him he just doesn't listen, or he listens but what I tell him doesn't mean anything. He doesn't take me seriously. He's always worked away from our family. To be honest, I like it that way because I don't have to pretend and stick to small talk all the time. That's seriously all we are, anyways. I wish it wasn't so.
While I'm on the subject of my parents... they don't really accept my sexuality. I mean, they say they do, that they support me no matter what and all that. But once while arguing about something trivial (like the fact that I straighten my hair, or that I wear light foundation if I'm going out) with my dad, I got mad and told him that he wasn't mad because of that but rather because he wishes I wasn't such a faggot. He didn't exactly deny it. And my mom is just like, «You're too young to really know at your age» (I've known since I've been like five, thanks though.) and she thinks it's just a phase. I mean, it hurts. But I hate confrontation of any kind, with anyone. So I suck it up, and eventually I'll blow up.
FIVE: LOVE. I just feel like crying. Even though I should be happy. Even though I have the most wonderful friends anyone could hope for. Even though I get to have sex with someone who's amazing at it. Even though I have an amazing sister who is so supportive and kind and has always been there for me. Even though I'm getting great grades and I attend the top school in my province. Even though I'm from a rather well off family, and I get a roof and food three times a day if I want it. Even though I ordered a babycakes shirt that I've wanted since forever today. Even though I'm not bad-looking and I'm starting to like myself more and more. Because everything in the world means nothing without love. Don't get me wrong, I'm very conscious that I'm a lucky person, that things could be worse, that a great deal of the things that make me unhappy are because of my own weaknesses, that I bring all this upon myself. I suppose it's human nature to not be happy with what you have, though.
Love is really everything a person needs. I would rather be in a really passionate, romantic, loving relationship than be a millionaire and have all the material comforts in the world. I mean, both would be nice...
SIX: OASIS. Writing on Oasis is really therapeutic for me. I find that I get out so much by writing here, things I didn't even know I felt. Because when I write here, I don't feel the need to hide or sensor anything. I'm not here to impress anybody. I'm not here to socialize. (Not that I'm opposed to that at all, feel free to talk to me, I'm nice, I promise.) I'm just here to let go of everything that's inside of me and troubling me and occupying my mind. I also enjoy reading other's journals : even if I don't comment, I've read most of the ones that have been posted since I re-joined two weeks ago. I also enjoy the feedback and support that you guys have given me. So thank you. Even if you're just reading this, thanks. To think that strangers are taking interest in who I am as a person means alot to me.
I'm just curious... Answer some, none, or all.
How's your relationship with your parents? Are you out to them?
Do you think love is a human need, or just something that we want?
What are you doing this weekend?
Are you/have you been in love?
To what lengths would you go for someone you love, romantically or otherwise?
Why do you write on Oasis?
Do you read obnoxiously long journal posts like almost all of mine (okay, all of mine)?