i'm too lazy to finish in detail, so consider this part 4.

625539's picture

basically what happens, is that i get hurt. i love too much. i insist on seeing the best in people, and over and over i just fall for the same lies, the same deceptions. i just can't help it.

a part of me wants to believe that with enough love and patience you can change anyone. and at the same time, i know that chasing after this guy is gonna hurt me, because he'll never commit to me exclusively. he gives me the impression that he wants to, but can't. at the end of the day though, you might have the best intentions but they mean nothing. it's what you do that defines you.

i thought that by not talking to him, i could detach myself from him. i really did try. something about him, though, is very charming and sweet. maybe he's afraid of love. maybe he's just really manipulative and knows that i'll keep going towards him that way. maybe he only likes me because i'm cute and dumb and young. i mean, all the guys he sees are teens.

well, screw it. i'm going to give it all i've got, until i can't.

anyways, here's a song. it's called hopeless love, and it's by daphne loves derby.

200 miles away from home
200 miles beneath this lake is where my heart belongs
But you don't care at all
You wouldn't even smile if I were screaming as the water filled my lungs oh my lungs
You demand to be chased for your love
My desperate heart is far too weak to run for you this long
But you don't care at all
There's nothing I can do to draw you close to me
Can you take this silence like a pill so I can breathe again
I've been trying to ignore the best parts of you
But I'm still hoping that I'll be with you somehow,somehow
Please be home tonight
I'll die if I don't get a chance to make this just right
I'm sorry but I can't forget about the way I feel
Every time you're here.
What would it take for me to be with you
I swear I'd rip my heart out if you said you'd be impressed, please be impressed
I'd go so far to please you but I bet you wouldn't care at all
oh at all
Hopeless love please leave me
This broken heart is far to weak to run for you this long
Why don't you care at all?
I'm dying for a place in your heart.
Can you take this silence like a pill so I can breathe again
I've been trying to ignore the best parts of you
But I'm still hoping that I'll be with you somehow, somehow
Please be home tonight
I'll die if I don't get a chance to make this just right
I'm sorry but I can't forget about the way I feel
Every time you're here.
Hopeless love, why did you carve your home in me?
This broken heart is too weak to hold your weight
And now I regret the day we met
And help me forget your name.

it's sort of how i feel right now about love.

Comments

Wolfcry's picture

You remind me of someone...

You remind me of someone... but who?

"Oh what tangled webs we weave, When we practice to deceive. I know you well, Actions and motives. Bear the cross, wear the crown, it's just some evil you can't bleed out. Hell has to notice, Your actions and motives." 10 Years, Actions And Motives

elph's picture

Yours is affection; his???

"i mean, all the guys he sees are teens."

This can be read as saying that there may exist a fairly large spread in your respective ages. It also implies that he may have amassed (serially?) a number of 'younger' followers :-(

I can appreciate that you would like him to notice you in the same way --- but, exclusively --- not just as a member of an entourage!

Your yearning for a friend with whom affections can be shared on an equal footing should remain your goal. Don't rush; but be assured that you will find each other.

625539's picture

aha, yeah.

he's a bit of a creeper.
and there's a 13 year difference. (X i'm sixteen.
Your yearning for a friend with whom affections can be shared on an equal footing should remain your goal. Don't rush; but be assured that you will find each other.
i know that things are never gonna work out the way i want them to with him, but i still feel like this. and i know that i'm gonna find someone who will care as much for me as i do about that other.
for now though.. i'm doing this.

elph's picture

Seriously? That's a bit much...

Wow! I'm having difficulty in getting my mind around that. I can only guess at what qualities made him seem attractive, but I suspect that you are more adept than he ever could be :-)

I admire your determination; but look around you at school. Don't forget: 10%!

jeff's picture

Yeah...

Not a huge fan of the intergenerational stuff...

Not to mention, depending where you live, it could even be illegal for you two to have any sort of sex. And consent doesn't necessarily matter if you're underage. If you're not out to your parents, and they freaked out, they could have him arrested no matter how much you protested. Even the police wouldn't factor your consent into the mix. A jury might, which is why you'd never get to testify.

And there's also the question of what 29 y/o would want a 16 y/o partner. At a certain age, you can swing age differences, but you're not at those ages.

---
"Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are." - Kurt Cobain

tenmilestilts's picture

i really like that song.

i really like that song. great sound, great lyrics. =)
---
Two wrongs don't make a right but three lefts do!