i think im ready for a fresh start! or at least need a new start, and today can be the begining. but before i look to my VERY distant, yet close future i have to relive my past the best i can and come to grips with wut i can. like going through days on end in school and not being able to tell the guy i like that i like him. the fact i don't take gym so that i'm less noticable. the fact i quit the football team cause everytime i'd tackle one of them i didn't want to let go, god just being close to the guys made me a bit deranged lol. the fact i can't stand the way i treat myself, and that to hide from myself i live out other lives through books, yeah i know LAME, but i like reading. how bout the fact i think someone thinks that i am wut i am, this stud in my law class caught me staring at him and i herd him talking about me after class, and ever since then he's stared at me! so i just don't look anymore, well thats a lie i do but, not as much as before.
god it helps to get all this out.
wut also sucks is one of my best friends best friends is so hot, and well because im scared and don't want ruin any friendships i've had to keep quiet, btw he looks like an abercrombie and fitch model, and no I AM NOT KIDDING YOU! "sigh"
ok, i know im gunna sound stalkerish but i creeped a guys facebook cause i've like seen him around and i'm like also really into him and he is like sooo adorable! ok yea hot, but adorable like the way i saw pictures of him with like his 8 mounth to a year baby cousin or something and it just took my breath away, oh and shot an arrow through my heart! he seemed so protective yet free, and he didn't ignore the 5 year old runing around beside them. "sigh" "sigh"
for the new year all i can hope to resolve is me, myself and the some wut distant I. and hope that once i start to break my bad habits and slowly let people in that it'll all be for the better.
God i'm sorry for this long ass rant about my boring ass life i just needed to vent all my anguish (or at least a minimal amount of it) to get myself ready for the new year,
HERE I COME 2010!!! HERE I COME!