I dunno whether you all even still believe that I'm over him at this point... but I am. I just wanna get some thoughts out to -somebody-, yaknow? So this is my journal about him...
For a while I wondered why I liked him... on first inspection, he seemed like the type of guy that I'd normally hate. He pretty much slept with a different girl every night, but never on a real date...
Since thursday, I've realized that he actually -is- an amazing guy... like, really amazing. First off, he's nice to everybody. He does stuff because he wants to, not because he thinks people will like him for it... he's never smoked pot, even though he seems like the type of guy that would, and he'll hug people he's never met before. Beyond that? He's seventeen and even when I met him he was mostly independent... now he's completely independent, owns an apartment, and lives across the country from his family because he wanted to go somewhere that he would like. At -seventeen- he moved across the country to live his dream and get out of new england (which I wouldn't mind doing myself right about now...). Also, he completely understands what I've been going through (unlike kid #1 from my earlier journal) and is cool with it.
Reasons that I liked him beyond that? He wears skinny jeans, whcih will always help with me... I know it sounds bad, but it's true. And he's adorable... one of my really close friends, who's much closer to him than I am, was talking to me about when he went over to her house to hang out with her before leaving again. The whole time he was telling her that she had to come visit him, and when he was leaving he kissed her on the forehead. Just because they're friends, and in his own way he loves her.
I've had people warn me against him and say he's a horrible person. Maybe he is, but I have yet to see that side of him... and he has lots of really good freinds that haven't either. The person that told me he wasn't a good person was the only person that could say anything against him.. and she's not actually known for her honesty, as much as I love her, so..
I figure that's why I liked him. Who wouldn't, frankly? Well, plenty of people, but... I dunno. He's just a really cool person..
And now... now I don't think I could say i like him anymore. At least... I'm not gonna blow off another opportunity because I'm waiting for him, and I don't think I'd want a relationship with him..
Mind you... my feelings for him aren't completely gone. Although I now consider him a friend... maybe even just an acquaintance, there's something about him that's... not. I can't say more than a friend, cuz it's not really that either. It's just not a friend.. different, yaknow? Well, probably not.. but meh.
Nah... it's more like there's always something I wanna say to him, and I have some respect for him that everybody else lacks. And after I've been with him I'm happy... but not because I just hung out with my crush. Because he's always funny and nice and just a good person to hang out with. And it wouldn't bother me if he was in a relationship... not even remotely. Man, far from it.
I'd say it's just that he's cool, but all of my friends are, so it's not that. He's just... meh, I give up trying to explain it. All I know is it was cool on thursday when he actually treated me like his friend, instead of acting like he was humoring me.. which was what I always felt like.
And so ends the time with him here once again... he's leaving tomorrow. Only this time I don't care. I mean... I'm disappointed a bit, but as much as I would be if some random person from band moved across the country. He'll be back in a year or two, anywho... all of his senior friends'll be gone. who'll occupy his time then? Probably mostly my other friend. xD