something i came across / reflexions / i'm feeling spiteful.

625539's picture

I read a very interesting quote today. I don't know the original source of it, but I found it on www.loveis-fearless.xanga.com . I wish she/he had credited the original author... either way that site is filled with alot of quotes & stuff most of you guys might relate to, but I wanted to share this one. I guess it makes me hopeful.

Before you can grow up, you must fall in love 3 times. Once you must fall in love with your best friend, ruining your friendship forever. This will teach you who your true friends are, and the fine line between friendship and more. Once you must fall in love with someone you believe to be perfect. You will learn that no one is perfect, and that you should never be treated as anything less than you deserve. And once you must fall in love with someone that is exactly like you. This will teach you about who you are, and who you want to be. And when you're through with all that, you learn that the people who care about you the most are the ones that you hurt, and the ones that hurt you are the ones that needed you the most. But most of all, you learn that love is only a concept and it not something that can be defined, it is different to each and every person on this earth, knowing that everyone only wants to be loved.

That paragraph is right about so many things. Falling for a close friend ruins so many things, in so many ways. I've experienced that with someone who is still very dear to me : she won't talk to me anymore. Right now, I suppose I'm going through the «Once you must fall in love with someone you believe to be perfect» thing, and that right now I'm learning that I deserve better.

& well, if you're just like me, send me a sign. I want to know about myself, I want you to change me and move me. Since you're like me, you'll want the same from me, and I'm willing.

I want a new love story. I'm tired of this one, it's so cyclic and repetitive. The same deceptions, the same excuses. Why did it have to be you? Why couldn't I have fallen for someone better? The most ironic is that I knew you were trouble all along. You were the one who made me hurt in the first place, only to give me hope again, and then you kept going like that. I'm tired of this carousel of lies, it's making me dizzy. I'm getting the hell off before it spins out of control.

X told me he stopped seeing F. Which I've heard before from him, but this time it's different because F is in a relationship. Good for F, and this makes me a natural rebound for X, since he's like that, and he used to be all «in love» with him, in a different way than with the other guys. I've actually been ignoring him for the past 2 weeks because I'm sick of his BS. But he tells me that he wants to try doing «normal» things with me. Going to movies and stuff like that. That seems impossible to me, that he would mean stuff like that, but meh. I miss your smile. Really? You didn't get to see it much, you were too busy making me feel like shit. But I guess you don't want to lose one of your toys?

I like how he thinks I'm stupid and that he thinks I actually believed him for a second. I play dumb alot, actually, with alot of people. People tend to trust you more. But every second, I'll be analyzing, working things out in my brain, planning 3 moves ahead. No more trusting X's pathetic lies. Trick me once, shame on you. Trick me twice, shame on me.

It's round two. With the new year, I'm getting a fresh start. This time around, it's about me, not him. I'm the one playing games now. I mean, sure, I have feelings for him. But I refuse to be played : I'm stronger than that.

Bitchy post, but whatever. I mean it.

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