Ugh

TotalGeek42's picture

I started talking about clothing with one of my friends and she asked if I had any straight-leg jeans..

I don't..

She asked if I was too cool for them. I told her the truth; I can't wear them cuz they make me remember that I hate my body.

She started to go on about how it doesn't make sense that I can wear skinny jeans, baggy jeans are more flattering, blahblahblah...

They're not. Skinny jeans are tight everywhere... baggy jeans are baggy, on me, everywhere except for my thighs... that makes it -really- stick out that my thighs are bigger than they should be.. which makes me want to stab something.

She tried to keep arguing with me, and I just exploded at her. I can't talk about stuff like that... it makes me think about stuff that I hate thinking about and it made me honestly want to punch the computer screen. I feel bad for exploding at her, but I honestly think I know what the hell I'm talking about... I have to deal witht his crap every second of my frigging life for hte next year and a half because my therapist is to goddamned lazy to just make sure that no endo would be willing to help me..

I mean, I know it's a little bit too soon since I've come out for me to start T anywho, but a few months is astronomically better than a year and a half..

Anyways.. I dunno. I just can't have a level-headed discussion about something like that. And it pisses me off... ><

In other news, I can hardly even wear a t-shirt anymore cuz either I feel like my binder isn't working well enough and I still have chestage showing or my binder is folded over a few times and there's a really conspicuous stripe running across my chest... I dunno what I'm gonna do in spring and summer... maybe I should get a new binder... ugh. ><

Comments

fox333's picture

awwwww *HUG* A man is

awwwww *HUG*

A man is educated and turned out to work. But a woman is educated and turned out to grass.
Pearl S. Buck

ferrets's picture

*growls at friend*

no one should force you to talk about something you dont want to. *hits her with cane* bad friend, bad!

if your ever super sad, just rember, you could have been a blowjob.

Wolfcry's picture

*pictures a ferret with a

*pictures a ferret with a cand and long white beard smacking someone* ROTFFLMFAO!!!!

"Please hear what I'm not saying. Don't be fooled by the face I wear, for I wear a mask. I tell you everything thats really nothing, and nothing of whats everything, of whats crying within me." - Mask

Riku's picture

Aw dude, I'm sorry. I know

Aw dude, I'm sorry. I know how that stuff is. XP For some reason people like to think they can tell a person how how his or her dysmorphia is. :/ And if it doesn't make sense to them they try to logicize it out but dysmorphia doesn't work that way.

Also, I know how you feel about the binding, I just ordered a really nice one today (70 bucks too, ouch.) because the other ones I have either hurt or don't do their job very well.. I can't remember the last time I went out without a sweater on. |D; I think I took off my jacket in class the other day because I wasn't thinking and I was hot but then I regretted it immediately and put it back on. >_>;;;

I'll ask my therapist about if she knows anything about getting kids on hormones early-ish. There isn't technically an age limit but most endocrinologists make people wait 'till 16, which was alright for me because I was almost 16 anyway when I came out but that's hella problematic for you. D: . I've heard of people starting hormone therapy earlier than that, but not often and usually in other countries. Still, it can't hurt to have someone else trying to find someone who will do that.

I think the big problem here is politics. People who perscribe any kind of hormones to minors (even blockers) for the purposes of cross-gender transition are essentially putting their lives at risk. That's how transphobic people are. :/ I've heard of endos and parents of trans children getting death threats and nasty things like that. :(

jeff's picture

Hmm...

People always freak out if you tell them you hate anything about your body, trans or not. The only way to shut them down is agree with whatever nonsense they say, I think.

I've had to tell people that since I'm fat, I don't wear horizontal stripes, since that's nearly a law. But people have said, "Oh, I don't believe that, you'd look good in stripes..."

Really, for some reason, you just have to agree with them.

---
"Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are." - Kurt Cobain

patnelsonchilds's picture

Well, on the one hand...

I can understand why the 16 line is drawn, as there are significant changes to one's emotional and cognitive makeup at that time, but that doesn't make it any easier on you guys, which majorly sucks.

As transgendered people are better understood and the phenomenon is more widely accepted, I think the process will become less klunky and slow, but I'm sure there will always be a tendency to err on the side of caution when it comes to adolescents.

The best way to silence an idiot is to agree with him. I agree with Jeff.

*Hugs* TG. Don't let em make you crazy..
_________________________________

- Pat Nelson Childs
"bringing strong gay & lesbian characters to Sci-Fi & Fantasy"

TotalGeek42's picture

Heh, thanks all... you'll

Heh, thanks all... you'll have to let me know how that binder works. I don't wanna wear sweatshirts eternally. ><

"Assets, assets..."

"Well I've got a banana, and in a pinch you could put up some shelves..."

"Dreaming that someone unknown has died means that either you've been watching too much CSI..." - 5thstory