So, I went to the CO Queer Youth Summit today. I was expecting to post a journal entry here about how amazing it was and how empowered I felt and how much fun I had. All of which are true. But I'm also (as my title kinda says) very confused.
Me and J (head of the GSA at my school, interesting guy) showed up a while before the actual workshops etc. started, so we went and sat down at a table in the main room (kind of a cafeteria with a stage). We were just sitting alone at this big round table, talking about how it was kinda awkward and depressing that we were sitting there all alone. We got bagels. And Izzes. Sat back down.
A girl and a guy came over. The girl was a brunette, a little taller than me, cute. The guy was black, overweight, but very friendly. They introduced themselves--M and A. M said that A had had to make her come over here, because she wanted to introduce herself but was too shy. We chatted. M was nice. She's 15, a year younger than me, she's vegetarian, she goes to a school in my county. Me and J went back to their table and M introduced me to a couple of her friends who were there. There was some music playing, and me and M and A (J wouldn't come) got up and danced in the open space in the middle of the room.
They started the day with a bunch of getting-to-know-you games. There were...idk, at least 100 kids there, so it was kinda crazy. We were doing this mingle sort of thing and A came over while we were all milling around and asked me if I liked M. I said, "Yeah, I kinda do. She's really nice." "Well, she likes you," he said, "but don't tell her I told you." The next mingle game was one where you get in a circle, then turn to your right and familiarize yourself with the shoulders and head of the person there. Then you have to mix up, all close your eyes and find them again. M was the person I had to find.
There were four workshop sessions and each one had a variety of choices for programs--I went to "GSA Toolkit", "Arts and Crafts", "How to Please Yourself" (tricky name for what was basically a sex ed class XP), and "Two Spirit Traditions". M was in the last two with me, and we were sitting on a table during one and kind of leaning on each other, and flirting, and stuff.
After the fourth session we hung out in the main room again to wait for dinner and post-dinner entertainment. I got the numbers of M and all her friends. M asked me if I'd maybe like to go to a movie sometime. Unsure what exactly to say, I said, "Yeah, I guess, sure, that'd be cool"--something stumbling like that.
During the meal (well, I wasn't eating cuz the veg burritos hadn't shown up yet) we all talked, and I told everybody that I hadn't dated at all, never been kissed. A gave M some look, and she whacked him and I giggled and turned red and we both did the whole wanting-to-but-not-quite meeting each other's eyes thing.
My dad called and said he'd come pick me up in half an hour.
A rapper came up and started doing his spiel on the stage, and I hate rap but everyone started getting up and dancing and M and A dragged me and J out there. M and me were dancing, and A and J were like "You guys are so cute!" and I blushed and giggled and so did she.
Then I had to go and it got dark and M disappeared and then I found her and told her I had to leave and we hugged and she kissed me on the cheek, almost on the lips, and I kissed her cheek and then had to go grab my stuff. J and I ran into our GSA teacher going out and we were chatting with him and M ran up to me for one last hug and then we left.
So, herein lies the problem:
+M lives in a town 45 min away from me, and goes to a school about an hour from mine.
+I hardly know her.
+She really likes me, and I do like her but I'm hesitant to rush into something like that. Especially since it'd be my first relationship.
+There's a queer youth speed dating thing at the GLBTQ center in Denver next Friday that M said she's gonna go to, and I kinda want to and J could only go if I gave him a ride, but I'm not sure how cool my parents would be with something like that and I'm hesitant to bring it up because that kind of thing isn't like me and I'm sure they'd ask questions or at least wonder.
+And then, of course, there's K. Who I still love. And I still haven't told. And is, as far as I know, straight. And who I don't want to give up on or let go of, for some reason I can't explain except to say that me and K are a perfect match.
Basically, to sum it all up, AAAAAAAAAHH! *clutches hair and puts hand over face and shakes head*
Help? (Any advice or insight would be appreciated.)
(And brownie points to any dear person who read this whole thing.)