so today wasn't too bad.
Last night I spoke to quite a few of my friends most of which are bisexual but I don't feel like most of them really understand what I was saying, but one, jess really did, but the gay friend I went to highschool with who came out in college was a huge help, we had a HUGE talk today about my guilt and shame and that it's okay and natural to feel that way because of the world we live in, and it may not be right but it is normal. He helped so very much. So I took a very important step today, you see I currently have(had?) a boyfriend. We work together, and I had informed him before we dated that I wasn't really into guys a whole lot but I do still date them, and not usually for more then a month. well we started dating on my birthday, Jan 20, and today we had a long talk about the fact that I can't keep trying and pretending to be bi, and that I was really sorry, and I really do care about him but only on a friendship level which I use to think was love before I started dating women. Of course he's had a really rough life, and so he had nothing to say to any of this he just automaticly turns off his emotions and doesn't even let me know how he feels or what he thinks about this, which is really hard on me, but it was the right thing to do right? like for both of us, or was I just being selfish? I dunno I'm more confused but I know I don't regret it cause I believe if I had left it and/or waited I would not have only tormented myself but lead him on and allowed him to get more attached only to have ended up hurting him more, and he really is a very sweet and wonderful guy, and a GREAT friend. I feel silly writing about comming out to my partner cause when I was younger I never understood why/how GLBT people ended up having to come out to their partner but here I am as one of them. well that was my baby styep for the day, by the end of the week I am going to reapproach my parents about my not being bisexual adn going to have atalk with my motehr about how she makes me constantly feel pressured to be with a guy and ask her to stop trying to set me up with men.
wish me luck