My story of becoming Bisexual.

Dracofangxxx's picture

...I never really knew about being anything but straight, you know? I was ignorant. I used to be that girl in kindergarten that liked dragons and sword fighting and video games and comfortable pants! I was the little girl always bragging to the guys about her accomplishments with digging holes and wrestling and playing Pokemon.

I was the tomboy. But then I started noticing alot how I would say to girls like "You know, if you were a man I'd date you"

*Funny thing, Chad, I said that to Hannah first! XD and now she's mah wifey*

And then in second grade, I loved my teacher. I thought she was beautiful. I had such a crush on her now that I look back on it XD

I got a friend in sixth grade. Her name was Brea. We hung out alot, she was shy and I was loud, opposites almost. We talked, we laughed, we became comfortable. I loved seeing her, loved being with her. She'd come over and play and we'd swing on the hammock in my backyard all day, my pushing us and laying on her lower abdomen and her laying flat on the sheet. We'd laugh and giggle, and eventually I became very close to her, I'd lay with my face sideways on her soft stomach and I'd just think about how good she smells, how pretty she is, and wow, I never noticed how good she makes me feel.

We'd spend the whole day like that, talking and laughing and sort of cuddling in my backyard. The days seemed to melt, too long and yet too short... And then we'd sleep in my tent, and I'd always cuddle up next to her and wrap my arm around her hip and try to work my fingers up to her skin and lay my head on her breasts. She'd kiss my head and hold me and then we'd fall asleep like that, and I loved it.

That's when I realized something was wrong. I shouldn't be doing this, she's a girl. I shouldn't be feeling like this, it's wrong, I'm a girl too, she's a woman, what's going on here?

Then I sort of thought about it. Oh. I can fall in love with women. I HAVE fallen in love with another girl. I knew about it, but not what it was called. I was embarrassed. Frightened. What was to become of me? How could I let this happen? "Oh god, I'm an abomination" I thought, "Oh no, she'll hate me!"

After much thought, I decided to not tell her. I just enjoyed the ride of being able to be close without her caring, I was straight after all! It's just friendly cuddles. I remember once laying on her while she was getting sleepy and tracing her lips with my fingertip. She didn't seem to really care, just mumbled a bit. Oh how I wanted to kiss them... How I wanted to hold her head close to mine and just press my own lips up against them. But I couldn't, no, it was forbidden...
I told her. I told her in person at her own house. The only time I had ever admitted to a person I was in love with them in person. I choked on the words.
"B...Brea, I have to tell you a secret. I... I... Like... No, no, LOVE... Uhh... Y...Y-y-y.... YOU."
"..."

*I start crying and grab Brea and bury my face in her chest* "I'm so sorry, so sorry, I can't help it, I don't know how it happened please don't hate me..."

That's my story. First girl I ever realized I loved.

Ahh god, life was easy back then. It was hella good too.

I miss the Brea I fell in love with.

Comments

ferrets's picture

lol

when i was like 6, i was super trusting of strangers (bad ferrets, no strangers! XD) so we were at the airport, and i was running around near my perants making "friends" wiith tired buisness ppl and travlers at 4 in the morning. lol so there was this cutey teen guy, like 16 or 18. and so i ran over and jumped in his lap, and my mom walked over, and shes like'oh im sorry, hes really friendly, ill be sure to make sure it dosnt happen again' but of course you know how little kids can fall asleep, so i was already pretty much asleep on his chest, so e was super nice and said'naw, its fine, hes asleep already, i dont mind :)' so then i like half slept half snuggled on him for 45 minutes until my plane showed up. he smelled yummy :D

if your ever super sad, just rember, you could have been a blowjob.

swimmerguy's picture

Wow

That is SO cute.

"Words are useless, especially sentences. They don't stand for anything. How can they explain how I feel?"~Madonna, Bedtime Story

Super Duck's picture

Haha, that's adorable!

Haha, that's adorable!

Mandi's picture

awwwwwwww

when I was in 6th grade I fell in love with my best friend, I use to go to her house and we'd play dress up and she'd be the boy and I'd be the girl and I always wanted to kiss her and I totally had the same "no this is wrong" "whats wrong with me" "she's gonan hate me" ect thoughts, eventually in high school when I learned about lesbians and gays I came out to her and told her I liked her, and when she went througha bi curious stage I was the first person she called ^_^ I've kissed her (when I was like 20) and I even took a pic cause I knew she was straight and it'd never happen again but ya I really liked this journal cause I could relate so well it's nice seeing other people feel/felt the same way I do/did thanks for writing it ^_^

Dracofangxxx's picture

Aw thanks! But I was a bad

Aw thanks! But I was a bad Shelby. I did kiss Brea without her wanting to XD it kinda sucks when she's completely straight, ya know? Hehe I'm glad I wasn't the only one who thought something was wrong :3
-
There isn't a sharp line dividing humans from the rest of the animal kingdom. It's a very wuzzie line...and it's getting wuzzier all the time. - Jane Goodall.

patnelsonchilds's picture

Support Group for Survivors of Adolescence

I think the initial doubts and fears are one of those things that unites us all. After all, we are a small and still largely unaccepted and misunderstood minority, and are usually raised to believe that what we're feeling is terribly, terribly wrong. And with fewer of us, and not always knowing who is who, and with others having the same doubts and struggles, I think there's almost certain to be confusion, misunderstandings, things we do that we regret. Sometimes though, there's the occasional bit of magic that turns into something we'll keep and cherish always. Hang onto those, and forgive yourself (and others) for the rest.

_________________________________

- Pat Nelson Childs
"bringing strong gay & lesbian characters to Sci-Fi & Fantasy"

Dracofangxxx's picture

*hug* Gee, you ARE really

*hug*
Gee, you ARE really cool, Pat. Thanks for the nice comment :)
I know exactly what you mean, sometimes it's like... the fear and weakness we feel of being separated from society almost brings us together. After all, isn't that exactly what this site is for? :D
-
There isn't a sharp line dividing humans from the rest of the animal kingdom. It's a very wuzzie line...and it's getting wuzzier all the time. - Jane Goodall.

Wolfcry's picture

lol, I didn't realy have a

lol, I didn't realy have a big awesome story like you or chad. I was 6 when I first knew, but I did have a MAJOR crush on my best friend(but this is more like ferrets than chad or you). I was about 7 when I realised I liked him, and I always seemed to be at his house, and when his mum would take us and go buy us coffee(yes I was always caffinated) and when he thought someone was a threat to me, he would always have some subtle signal for me to get near him, and I would without thinking. I don't know why, but while I think about him, I feel totaly calm and relaxed... but when I get distracted by the "real" world, I get all the signs of Tourette's Syndrome. Care to know why I find that so funny? Because Casey has/had Tourette's.

Life is hard, but immortality is harder... Jasper Eversor Force

"Memories are nice, but thats all they are, you know?" - Rikku-FFX

"No matter how dark the night, morning always comes, and our journey begins anew." - Lulu-FFX

Dracofangxxx's picture

That's very cute. I like

That's very cute. I like your story X3
-
There isn't a sharp line dividing humans from the rest of the animal kingdom. It's a very wuzzie line...and it's getting wuzzier all the time. - Jane Goodall.