I feel like writing

Dracofangxxx's picture

It's just like... A writing day. It's a writing week. Bloody hell.

During the day, I'm the same as any girl you pass in the hallways. You see me, maybe think "Oh I like her haircut" Or "Ew, her acne's sorta icky" or even "Wow, she's... Just dog-ugly". During the day, you make talk to me and notice "Wow, she's sorta nervous and quiet" or maybe "She's sorta... Annoying." or even, "Wow, she's mean" but either way, you'd notice quite a few things about me. Now, talk to me online... You'll see a completely different side from me.

In reality, I think much more complicated, more worded, and more precise. I'm more sad, more angry, and less... Less stable. I am... I dunno what I am anymore. I want to become one person, not these damn pieces! You only know me as the person I seemingly act like... You've never even met me. I'm so different in person...

I feel, I feel as though I have no real reason to live anymore. I mean... At least with Jonah, I woke up and felt alive. Now I feel like a puppet. There's too much time to think. Time keeps on rushing by, flying like I've never felt before, and I'm barely keeping a grasp on it. I go to sleep and just... Feel like I guess I wouldn't mind if I never woke up. Nothing too morbid, just... Apathy. Not that my life isn't fun, it is! Sometimes I just feel so unimportant, though. I think I mix things up and cause drama lately because of it too. Which is sad. I'm so complicated, mixed up...

I need a vacation. I miss nature too much.

I use my journals as a REAL journal, for all the saddish/angsty stuff that goes on. Hope you guys don't mind...

Comments

swimmerguy's picture

I use my journals for the same...

You may have noticed.
Anyway, I doubt many people pass you in the halls thinking that.
But who am I to be a judge of beauty? I really can't be critical of anyone's looks, except for adolescent boys of course :P I don't know why. I seem to only be critical of adolescent boys, who are strangely also currently the only group I'm attracted to.
I think you're pretty.
Like Hannah. I think she's just so pretty.

Hai-kus are ea-sy
But some-times they don't make sense
Re-fridge-er-a-tor

elph's picture

Strangely?

Have you no clue :)

ferrets's picture

welllll

you cant be critical od someone your not attracted to eh? it would be pointlessto think'well im not attracted to this person so they arnt pretty/hot'

"...I find it kinda funny,I find it kinda sad, that the dreams where i am dieing are the best I've ever had..." -gary jules

elph's picture

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder...

I see beauty in any person who takes joy from living and wishes to share that joy with others.

It's really a lot more involved than this… but this is the best short statement I could think of :)

Uncertain's picture

Yeah it's good to let stuff

Yeah it's good to let stuff out here. I use this place sort of as a 'real' journal too. I remember when I used to even write "Dear" Diary" in my first few journal entries a few years back...

And I guess it's good to have different sidees to us? Otherwise we'd just be all bland and boring. But I do understand that need to be in a bit more control though.