life for me... well it could get a little brighter. im mean, its freaking spring and its freaking grey as my english teacher's hair from last semester. wheres my sunshine? well, i guess its for the best. if it was sunny, my family and i would go off on some random "adventure" someplace. if we did that, i wouldnt be able to go to the mall. i hope i can go to the mall with fred. ma was like, "maybe. i dont know" when i asked if i could go. so im praying. if she says no, ill just play the depressed teenager part ive learned to portray so well (just lay on the couch, put in the earphones, and mope alot). then she'll see that she's ruining my teenaged life and give in. just like last week. lol.
anyways, i almost drowned yesterday. it was freaking scary. i cant swim as it is, but i like the deep end. so i went under while holding onto the ladder that you use to get into the pool. so when i did go under, somehow i felt brave and let go. suddenly i started drifting away from the ladder and i couldnt reach it. freaking out inside my head, i tried to swim. i failed. luckily i can hold my breath freakishly long or i would have drowned. eventually, my instincts kicked in and i somehow swam back to the ladder and pulled myself up. i was so proud yet terrified. i was shaking. two seconds later, i went back under for somemore. im just stupid like that....
ive been questioning my sexuality lately. (i always tell people im bi so that maybe i can get a chance with anyone who may like me. kids here are more acceptant of bisexuals than gays, despite i live in the freaking bible belt.) i feel so much more attracted to guys, but sometimes i feel strong urges towards my bisexual gal pals. maybe its the fact theyre bi, idk. i hope i figure this out. i hate being stuck in the middle.
as for the update on my love life, im head over freaking heels in love with fred (vivian), my bf.