So Why Can't I Tell My Parents?

sscmid8's picture

So, nothing too long, I was talking to my mom the other day and being gay came up in the conversation. After talking about it for two minutes at most my mom asked me: Would you tell me if you were gay?

I know I should have told her what I was really thinking but something held me back. And the worst part is that i have come to a personal understanding that i am gay, and when i tell someone i'm not my chest gets heavy like im lying to myself and not letting myself be myself... So why can't i tell my parents? The people who have told me time and time again how i can't do anything that will make them stop loving me.

Please comment, anyone that has an opinion speak freely...


BBNiNi's picture


maybe a fear of them not accepting you as being gay, trying to change you and make you "normal", or maybe not wanting them to think of you differently because you're gay...?

elph's picture

Trust your friends... refer to them as people... but they're actually your friends or else they would not have told you this.

It's a rare parent (particularly a mother) who is not quite perceptive.

It is likely she has already picked up on your maybe-not-too-subtle signals. She loves you and would likely be honored to hear it from your own lips.

Good luck... and just imagine how relieved you'll be not having to hide!

Wolfcry's picture

Uuuuh, thats not a

Uuuuh, thats not a universal... My mother and father: A) NEVER picked up on it till AFTER I told them, B) ARE STILL TRYING TO GET ME MENTAL HELP AND CHEW ME OUT NIGHTLY FOR BEING ME AND PEOPLE GUESSING I'M GAY!

Its my story, and I will write it out the way I want it to be, or I will find a way to re-write it. - Me
"I feel that love doesn't discriminate against gender, regardless of preference." -Chase

lordmomofenixed's picture

...mothers are a different kind...

parents were designed to give kids hell, that's just the way it is. but mothers, they're different. my mom took my coming out much better than i expected here to. For the years i planned to do so, i never thought it was that simple. Sure, she gives me hell about it all the time and even tries to "convert" me to heterosexuality. But, I am her child and nothing can ever change that. That's the way it is for all mothers, unless they have serious issues. They will yell and scream all they like, but in the end, they love you because they always see as their baby. Your mom, for one, seems like she is willing for you to come out. I say do it, just to set yourself free. I wish I had been honest from the beginning. Life would maybe had made more sense. So, good luck, whatever you choose. I belive in you...
a psychotic pencilist, moe

sscmid8's picture

wow i dont even know what to

wow i dont even know what to say... you all have been really helpful. and sometimes i do wonder if my mom already knows, i haven't had a girlfriend, well, EVER. haha

5thstory's picture

I guess the problem is being

I guess the problem is being scared of saying the words. I mean, look at me, I'll turn 20 this year, I've never had a girlfriend and about 90% of my friends are girls. I bet my parents already know I'm gay, but I just can't bring myself to tell me. I've told lots of people but them- it's not like I don't wanna tell them, it's that I don't have the guts to.

So if you have the guts go ahead and do it. Or find the guts somewhere, because every single day that passes and you don't tell her it becomes more and more difficult. Trust me, I'm getting old and my relationship with my mother is as good as it gets, and I have this weird feeling that if I had had the guts to tell her before it wouldn't be as bad as now, because now it's not only being gay, but it's a problem of trust- it's like not telling my best friend, someone unconditional.

Please, don't be like me and have (or find) the guts to tell her. One chicken in the website is more than enough.

" . . . The sun does not shine upon this fair earth to meet frowning eyes, depend upon it." Charles Dickens

BrotherMitch's picture

Frustrating as hell, I know.

Frustrating as hell, I know. I don't know how long I spent cringing every time my mom introduced me to someone as her daughter but feeling like the words just wouldn't come out of my mouth, no matter how much I wanted them to. As annoying as it is, it may take some time to get comfortable with telling her. I dropped hints all along (some intentionally, others without meaning to) but I never could actually say it no matter how sure I was that she wouldn't be too troubled by it. And when I did decide I had to tell her, I let so many opportunities go by before I finally did it. Don't do that. If you have the slightest feeling that you could tell her, don't wait for exactly the right moment. You'll drive yourself completely crazy in the meantime. Part of the reason I just came out to my mom was self-preservation. I just couldn't take it anymore.
I wrote a letter rather than telling her in person because I was too scared of it and didn't want anything to be misunderstood. I wanted to be coherent, and if you write it out it can't get mixed up somehow. It may not be the preferred method, like the one-on-one talk, but I think it's definitely alright if it gets your point across and gets you talking.
Hope this helps. Just keep in mind that you are you and have every right to continue to be you. I'm sure everything'll be okay. 8)

Dracofangxxx's picture

I did about the same thing

I did about the same thing too. My mom and dad are like... Sorta more from the homophobe era, especially my dad. I don't wanna make them feel weird about me, you know...? I feel that mom would be more accepting, but I'm still just afraid that things will change between us.
Always hold your head up high
If you don't, you'll never see the face of your killer.

sscmid8's picture


thanks everyone for writing, its good to know im not the only one who is afraid of their mother haha