the here and now. (also yesterday and tomorrow)

lordmomofenixed's picture

Yesterday was a mix of emotions and those are mixing with todays. My little brother's knee was huting him badly so we took him to the hospital. i hate hospitals, especially that one because it was the one my grandma died in. we spent 3 hours there only to have the doctors say he was having growth pains. WTF!!!?

I also wrote a couple of poems in geometry about gay rights. i never wrote any of that nature before and it felt good. i posted one a moment ago and i'll put up the next soon. (i already wrote this post once, but somehow it deleted and didn't post, so now im behind a few minutes.)

So TODAY i had to swim in gym. the thing is, i cant swim all that great. my friends (including my ex, Lance) persisted in convincing me to swim in the 12 foot end. i eventually gave in. it wasn't so bad. i guess ill swim there next week as well. so after that, my ex started talking to me.

"so who are you dating?" he asks.

"No one" i reply

"thats not what i heard"

"well, thats true as of wednesday. we only dated three days."

"so does that mean the promise is broken?"

heart beats really fast."no. yes. it depends on what you think."

(end of conversation because some nosy friends come along to listen.)

So i sorta lied. this week i was dating 2 ppl. only technically. a girl named nadine and a guy named ramon. im not really attracted to girls and my relationship with ramon is only a phone/email relationship due to him being in the dominican republic and me in the USA. But i dumped the girl wednesday. The promise my ex was talking about was the one where we promised to get back together again after high school. lately, he's been acting so differently. he tries to act impressive and stuff around me. he acts like a jerk, even to me occasionally. i think he's trying to impress me because sometimes i'm a bit standoffish (due to my emo habits). but its really weird and i'm not sure i really want to be with him ever again. but i know that's just a lie. everytime i talk to him, my heart flutters. i almost kissed him if no one was watching. Soulmates: its the word that keeps ringing in my head. but i don't want us to be. fate just keeps dragging us back together over and over and over again. why?! technically, i already have a boyfriend that'll give the world for me. Why should i get back with this bitch that i love so much? Why shouldn't I? I hate him all while loving him unconditionally. (someone with advice, plz comment.).

TOMORROW im supposed to go to the mall with some people. i invited one of my other exes who is still in middle school (im not a pedophile, he's 13, only a 3 yrs difference). apparently he still loves me. i only thought of him as a fling i had to get over Lance. idk. he wants to make out with me tomorrow. im still deciding if ill do that or not. i have to think about ramon. life is so compicated. or is it just mine?

so, now im gonna have a wonderful weekend pondering my emotions. good thing today (SARCASM X20), im gonna get out of school early to hang out with my family. YAY! (sarcasm x20). who knows, maybe itll be fun. and maybe ill get my cell phone back. then my social life will be returned to me!! :)


Dracofangxxx's picture

Life really IS

Life really IS complicated.

I think you should follow your heart... With whatever you decide to do :)
Always hold your head up high
If you don't, you'll never see the face of your killer.