Well fuck.

Riku's picture

Sorry, language. I know.

I'm going to cut them off myself if someone else doesn't do it for me soon I swear. I really can't deal with this anymore, I haven't BEEN able to deal with this. My dad had a job interview the other day, they turned him down. Like, you know, everyone else. Fun stuff. I wouldn't care so much because we've been getting by, but I NEED this surgery and without this surgery it's not really like "getting by" anymore. I can't stand it. I can't stand it. I can't stand it.

I want to scream and cry and yell and I just can't do anything and I can't look in the mirror or down at myself or hug people or enjoy the warm weather and I'm sick of it and it makes me sick and I can't deal with this.



Indie's picture


Riku, what's this surgery that you speak of? Do you need help or something?

I might prove helpful or at least you can tell me what aches your soul , reply to me in a PM or something as I get troubled by finding the journal entries.

Best wishes,

TotalGeek42's picture

@Indie - ftm top surgery.

@Indie - ftm top surgery. It's hard being unable to get it... I'd know.

@Ash.. hang in there. Get your dad and therapist to finish the application for the loan... I don't see why they'd be unwilling to help you. It's obvious that you need the money... you'll get the surgery soon! *e-hugs... cuz an e-hug can't get you dysphoric*

"Assets, assets..."

"Well I've got a banana, and in a pinch you could put up some shelves..."

"Dreaming that someone unknown has died means that either you've been watching too much CSI..." - 5thstory