Hey guyz... (so awkward). i said some stuff about suicide and etc. i really had meant it. so sick of everything. but that was just me and my hormones raging again. i owe everyone an apology times, like, a billion.
What had happened in actuality was that after i wrote that stuff, i didnt get a chance to give an update cuz i didnt go to school the next day and then i went on spring break the following whole week (today is my first day back). i had WAY too much stuff on my mind. i had to decide between my two options sooner or later. turns out, i didnt have to.
my mom sat down at the table with me while i was drawing and we began talking. at first it was aggressive and i wanted to go hide in a cave. but then, we actually began to get along. sorta. My mom is actually not the devil. she gives me hell because she doesnt want me to go to hell. thats the reason. but she said shes not going to try to change me anymore, now that ive made my decision. its over, ive won the battle. so now she's just making sure that my life will still be good and HIV/AIDS free. in a way, she said, im helping her with her resent towards gays. Don't get me wrong, she still complains about them (she wont let me talk to my gay friends), but life is better. As for my brother, he's growing up... sorta. He "allowed" me to still share a room with him and doesnt mind hanging out with me. im glad we talked, i feel like something has been accomplished.
my ex has decided that he is completely straight... and thats all im gonna write about him...
So, yea, life is looking up. finally. And i can't stress enough how sorry i am for worrying everyone. the potassium cyanide is all down the toilet, ok? i'm only 16, i dont make rational decisions and you shouldnt expect me to. lol. besides, im still a virgin. if im gonna die, id have to take care of that problem first. thanks people, all of you. its so many of you, i cant remember all of ur usernames. you can just bitch at me later (im gonna enjoy Ramon Rivas for awhile). but thanks SO much anyways. i love ya all.