Been putting this off for a while

ShowMeLove's picture

We laid my brother to rest last week. His funeral was...nice. I guess. I don't know. I cried a few times, but really I can't, or maybe won't let myself, cry in front of people. I was sitting on a couch in the room that had his casket in, and avoiding all the people I didn't know, which was pretty much everyone, and then my Grandma came walking over to me and I just blubbered. She made me cry, dammit! We couldn't do an open casket cause his body was in such rough shape because he was laying for so long before anyone finally found him.

My dad and my two sisters actually went to see his body earlier in the week. My dad said his skin was black and his eyes were sunken in and his hair had fallen out. Made me want to cry. I definitely wasn't expecting that description. The black part, I mean. I'm glad I didn't go with them to see him now. Although, part of me still feels that I should have. It's weird. No one even asked me if I wanted to. It's just part of the whole, "people still treat me like a child" thing. Anyways, my one sister was apparently really upset from looking at him. And she only saw the back of his head. So, maybe it was for the best that I didn't go...


lamb_da's picture

:( i'm so sorry

that's the most generic thing to say, but really.
i can't say i know how it feels.

Hi, I'm a reading Rainbow! :)

ShowMeLove's picture

Thanks, Lamb_da.

It's much appreciated.

the ghost's picture

I'm so sorry to hear this.

I'm so sorry to hear this. *hugs*

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent-Eleanor Roosevelt

ShowMeLove's picture


Thanks, Ghost :)

lordmomofenixed's picture


im not really sure what to say, because well, i cant truly relate to u at all. so i cant say "i know how u feel". but i can give u all of my sympathies in the world. losing people is hard, ive lost quite a few in my life. that includes my dad. but this is not about me, its about u. i hope that u will see this as a way that ur brother will be in a happier place now. then maybe ur heart wont feel as heavy. again, i hope you find a way to grieve not so negatively. happiness is only a spoonful of sugar away (not drugs).

a psychotic pencilist, moe

ShowMeLove's picture

Thank you

Losing people is definitely hard. You never truly know how it feels until you've lost someone quite close. I lost my Grandfather years ago, but I wasn't all that sad because I knew he was in a better place because he had stomach cancer and I could see how much pain he was in by the end.

Also, I'm sorry for your losses that you've had throughout your life. No one should ever lose a parent when they are so young. That's horrible. And I definitely see that my brother is in a better place now; it's the only thing that's making this semi-acceptable.

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"Not all who wander are lost"
– J.R.R. Tolkien