What a day.
Let me repeat that... What. A. Day.
I'mma get a snack. Be right back. Don't have a heart attack ;D
Hmm. I probably shouldn't tell you guys this, because you'll freak out. But I feel I should write it anyways. It's in my head.
I always make excuses for myself. "Oh, I'm not an alchoholic. I just like a drink every now and then when I'm sad. Oh, I'm not an emo cutter. I just like to see the blood. I don't need to see a counselor, I'm fine."
Well today, I'm admitting that YES I'm an alchoholic. *points to my glass of warm milk* there's a shot of Jack Daniels in here, as well as vanilla syrup to mask the smell.
Yes, I'm a cutter. *points to ankle* The many open cuts here are proof. As is the nick on my wrist.
Yes, I need to see the counselor. I'm going to set up an appointment tomorrow morning for the beginning of third period to see her. I'm very excited.
Yes, I have an eating disorder. I should eat lunch EVERY DAY. Not just every other day or less. Who cares what my body weight is? I'm skinny enough.
Mmm, this is good milk though. Even if I spiked it. Oh great, Father's home...
I rode the bus today so sad... I don't... Know why. I got teased a bit by C, trying to make me laugh. Overall it worked until "Hey, better watch her! She might start cutting herself!".
Oh dear. That one hit a bit below the belt. I know she was just trying to make me laugh, but she had no idea... I just sort of made this face like e___e;; and leaned against the window. To which she started yelling "SHELBY NONOONONO I AM SO SORRY I DIDN'T MEAN TO UPSET YOU" and stuff. God, she's beautiful. She heard me speak French, and taught me how to say shut up XD Cuz I told Z "Ferme la bouche!" and she's liek "OHGEEZ YOU SPOKE FRENCH but hey say this instead it works better" And stuff. Humm.
I sneak peeks at her in the locker room cuz she's right behind me >.>;; Oh god that's creepy sounding. But she's so prettyyyyyyy... And I don't like, STARE. I just wait for her to get dressed and then I watch her put her stuff away. I have the decency to not look when she's half-naked though... I'd feel icky. Although it happens by accident sometimes (Yes, REAL accidents...).
I'm sore. I don't want to go to school except for the counselor part... Bawww... I'm such a whiner. Like I have it REAL bad... Freakin' starving kids need some DAMN FOOD PEOPLE. Save the boobies! Breast cancer SUCKS! D:
Isn't it amazing how I've been home for two hours and I've not gotten any homework done?
I'm starting to get a little buzzy. Mmm.
Mother oh mother, simply unaware
That your daughter's living a life
She just cannot bare
And while she may smile
And say she's just fine
A lie I have spoken
But this lie is all mine...
I am getting sleepy... Nnn... Fuzzy.
What to say? Um... Should I show the counselor my ankle? Or would that... Be bad?