C, Je'adore vous.

Dracofangxxx's picture

What a day.

Let me repeat that... What. A. Day.

I'mma get a snack. Be right back. Don't have a heart attack ;D

Hmm. I probably shouldn't tell you guys this, because you'll freak out. But I feel I should write it anyways. It's in my head.

I always make excuses for myself. "Oh, I'm not an alchoholic. I just like a drink every now and then when I'm sad. Oh, I'm not an emo cutter. I just like to see the blood. I don't need to see a counselor, I'm fine."

Well today, I'm admitting that YES I'm an alchoholic. *points to my glass of warm milk* there's a shot of Jack Daniels in here, as well as vanilla syrup to mask the smell.

Yes, I'm a cutter. *points to ankle* The many open cuts here are proof. As is the nick on my wrist.

Yes, I need to see the counselor. I'm going to set up an appointment tomorrow morning for the beginning of third period to see her. I'm very excited.

Yes, I have an eating disorder. I should eat lunch EVERY DAY. Not just every other day or less. Who cares what my body weight is? I'm skinny enough.

Mmm, this is good milk though. Even if I spiked it. Oh great, Father's home...

I rode the bus today so sad... I don't... Know why. I got teased a bit by C, trying to make me laugh. Overall it worked until "Hey, better watch her! She might start cutting herself!".
Oh dear. That one hit a bit below the belt. I know she was just trying to make me laugh, but she had no idea... I just sort of made this face like e___e;; and leaned against the window. To which she started yelling "SHELBY NONOONONO I AM SO SORRY I DIDN'T MEAN TO UPSET YOU" and stuff. God, she's beautiful. She heard me speak French, and taught me how to say shut up XD Cuz I told Z "Ferme la bouche!" and she's liek "OHGEEZ YOU SPOKE FRENCH but hey say this instead it works better" And stuff. Humm.

I sneak peeks at her in the locker room cuz she's right behind me >.>;; Oh god that's creepy sounding. But she's so prettyyyyyyy... And I don't like, STARE. I just wait for her to get dressed and then I watch her put her stuff away. I have the decency to not look when she's half-naked though... I'd feel icky. Although it happens by accident sometimes (Yes, REAL accidents...).

I'm sore. I don't want to go to school except for the counselor part... Bawww... I'm such a whiner. Like I have it REAL bad... Freakin' starving kids need some DAMN FOOD PEOPLE. Save the boobies! Breast cancer SUCKS! D:

Isn't it amazing how I've been home for two hours and I've not gotten any homework done?

I'm starting to get a little buzzy. Mmm.

Mother oh mother, simply unaware
That your daughter's living a life
She just cannot bare
And while she may smile
And say she's just fine
A lie I have spoken
But this lie is all mine...

I am getting sleepy... Nnn... Fuzzy.

What to say? Um... Should I show the counselor my ankle? Or would that... Be bad?

Comments

Super Duck's picture

I think you should show the

I think you should show the counselor your ankle...

I'm not gonna lie, the only reason I didn't skip gym class in the eighth grade was because of my friend in the locker room. XD This is the only time I have ever, ever admitted this, and it feels so weird to say it. I always felt like a disgusting, horrible pervert when I looked, but she is just soooo cute.

Dracofangxxx's picture

Mmk. Thanks. YEAH I KNOW

Mmk. Thanks.

YEAH I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN it's like "Ooh. Heyyy. This locker room has such a beautiful view!" XD
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You're twisted and perverted. I like that in a person.

Israfel's picture

*huggles* This is going to

*huggles* This is going to sound a little weird, most likely, but that's so awesome. That you're going to see a counselor that is, and not so much for the whole seeing a counselor thing, but because the fact you're willing to admit to a problem and seek help. I applaud you. :3

But, on a related note, be a little bit cautious about what/how much you say to a counselor in one session. In my experience, if you give them too much at once, they tend to freak out a little.

But that may have been because I revealed a fondness for homemade explosives. Heh.

And damn, I wish I had something like that to improve ye olde changing rooms. The most I got out of that was looking up at the wrong time and finding out how much of a hardcore feminist one of my friends was. Woahhh, armpit hair xD

-- You like my helm? It's +5 sexterity. Like dexterity, but with 'sex' on the front... yeah...

Dracofangxxx's picture

You don't know how much your

You don't know how much your comment made me smile ;A;
I feel like the coolest person in the world now XD Thank you so much! Especially for the advice, you're right about not telling too much. I'll keep that in mind.

You're a sweetie. You can come in my changing room anytime you want ;D No armpit hair allowed *giggle*
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You're twisted and perverted. I like that in a person.

Israfel's picture

Aww, your very welcome dear.

Aww, your very welcome dear. And you totally are the coolest person in the world ;P

Woohoo! Score! Fun, armpit-hair-less changing room times here I come! xD

-- You like my helm? It's +5 sexterity. Like dexterity, but with 'sex' on the front... yeah...

holahaveamuffin18's picture

*yay* for talking to someone

*yay* for talking to someone (:
but, yeah, be careful. ease into it.
i know when i went to counseling or whatever, i made sure i could trust her before telling her anything.

on a happier notee... i had gym today.
and my kindasupercute friend had on this sports bra she says is amazing. i was honestly checking it out for comparison - at first - and then i realized she has an awesome body. ... and blushed.
and then she giggled at me. >.<

Dracofangxxx's picture

OhjesusyougottostareatherBOOB

OhjesusyougottostareatherBOOBS I AM SO JEALOUS XD
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You're twisted and perverted. I like that in a person.

holahaveamuffin18's picture

phaha. i mean.. it's not

phaha.
i mean.. it's not like i haven't seen them before.
she's been my best friend since 4th grade.
and we used to be cool w/ changing in front of each other. we basically shared a wardrobe. and she shared her wardrobe with her sisters. (whoarereallyhotbutican'tsayanythingbecauseshe'llkillmee...)
i guess i never really thought about her as an actual person. you know, not someone who i saw as a sister? i still see her that way. off limits. but that doesn't mean i can't look (:

Merric's picture

...

"I'm not an emo cutter. I just like to see the blood."
That could have been taken from my head. I used to make excuses to myself a lot, and each time I cut I swore it would be the last.

But I'm not a cutter anymore, like for reals. I'm through with that shit.

I hope your counseling goes well. Weird coincidence, I'm going to get counseling too in a few days... to help me deal with the fact that soon it will be summer and I'll have to go home to my homophobic parents and somehow survive until I can leave again. I said, "I feel like Harry Potter going back to the Dursleys, except my parents don't starve me and shove me in a closet--OH WAIT."

So yeah, sorry that was so long.

Dracofangxxx's picture

Wow. We think ALOT alike

Wow. We think ALOT alike then O.o

I'm glad you don't cut anymore. I'm so proud of you :)

Ooh creepy. We think alike AND we have similar schedules? Crazy-sauce. And it wasn't long.

Waitwhat'sthataboutyourparents? Are they abusing you? D:
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You're twisted and perverted. I like that in a person.

Merric's picture

...

Ha, no, not at all, they don't actually starve me. But they do, metaphorically speaking, shove me in the closet. Because apparently being gay is a perversion and I can totally choose to be a nice Catholic girl who likes boys instead. Riiiiight. So anyway, to avoid family tension I have to play straight when I'm at home.