I don't want to lead!

swimmerguy's picture

This is for reference in my journal.
I just realized something.
If I get sectionals again this year, that means I will get senior champs.
Which means I can't go to 14 and under champs.

I kinda hope I DON'T get that time, actually, because then I'll be alone at senior champs. No one else will get it.
Blake is leaving. He leaves after summer. *tears*
He's the only one that actually has senior champs times.

If I DON'T get that time, I can pretty safely assume I'll get 14 and under champs, in which case I can go to that meet with probably Nicole, and Chris.


Anyway, I don't like how I'm becoming more of a leader and a teacher now. At piano recitals, I'm the best person left. All the older students left last year.

At swimming, after Blake leaves, I'll almost be the fastest one there. By a mistake of birth, I have become the oldest one in the class of new team seniors.

I've become a teacher. There's a kid I'll call N, because I really don't know how to pronounce his name or how it's spelled. I think it's something like Nazeeri...
He's like 11, and I was his teacher for a few months. Now he's moved on to the class that Lee teaches. He'll be going to his first meet that I'm also going to on the April 17th and 18th.
It is nice to know that he'll be looking up to me, but it's good to have someone to look up to and respect.
Blake has no one to look up to and respect, because he's now by far the fastest on the team.
I don't want to be like that.
I like it and I don't at the same time...


ferrets's picture


you can look up to me :D my quickest sectionals time is zero :3 cause ive never tried. but that dosnt mean you cnat try and beat me

"...I find it kinda funny,I find it kinda sad, that the dreams where i am dieing are the best I've ever had..." -gary jules

elph's picture

I only hope...

...that that competition can be soon arranged!

elph's picture

It can be rather lonely...

...when one has actually achieved a goal. So... your ambivalent feelings are quite understandable... and very normal.

But... I can already anticipate your well-deserved ecstasy following next weekend's competitions.

Enjoy the camaraderie and the challenges!