i wasnt going to write about this but i feel as if i dont let it out im gonna keep being sad...

cheese's picture

well, we broke up.

shocker, i know. four days after my birthday, four days before our ten month anniversary. i feel great *sarcasm*. i dont even know how it got to that. i mean, im miserable. we'd been arguing quite a bit lately. but not like enough for it to lead to this. i mean, the way i feel now, i'd take the blame for everything. although one of them is my fault. well. no they are all my fault. cause i cant be there, cause im stubborn, cause she most likely doesnt love me anymore. cause to her it seems like i dont let her have an opinion on what i say or do, i get all angry and upset. cause sometimes it seems like she's just criticizing me, like my mom. its my fault cause i cant give her the physical relationship she wants. which she just actually felt/realized how much she wanted it after she came down here. thats something ive been having to deal with from day 1.
Last night, i called her. i mean i know it was 3 in the morning over there, but i just needed to hear her voice. cause i couldnt stop crying to save my life. but, she was being kinda mean to me. she didnt even say "goodbye" or "goodnight" or even "i love you too". she was being a complete asshole. which isnt like her. at all. Christina isnt an asshole, especially not towards me. i just wish i knew the rest of it. i wish i knew why she was being so mean to me. i know i can be a pain in the ass. but four days ago we were fine. the way she's treating me hurts so much more than the fact that we're not together anymore. she told me she never wanted to make me cry. but she's sure as hell doing a great job at it.
After it happened, i broke down in front of mom. which was the last thing i needed. i didnt tell her christina was being mean. i just told her we broke up cause of the distance. why do i always get hurt in the end?
She said that we can talk about this monday. im sure that by monday, things arent going to be the same between us. she's hurting me, when someone who i trust and care for hurts me, especially if they're treating me as if we never had strong feelings for eachother, my sadness turns into anger. my anger leads to me not caring anymore. maybe she knows that. maybe she doesnt want me to love her anymore.

maybe she doesnt love me anymore...

Comments

AlwaysFallingDeeper's picture

Ok....

First of all....I am sorry. It's not like I intended this to happen. Yeah, I know I've been mean lately but...I dont know. It seems like my feelings are fading since you're so far away. After seeing what it could have been...idk. I need more. I'm not saying I don't love you. I told you I always will. I'm just thinking that its just love as a friend. I dont want you to cry but I know that you probably cant help it. I understand how you feel. It's happened to me before too and it took me a year to get over it. I'm not saying it will take you a year. Im saying that I know it hurts but you'll be ok. You'll find someone better than me. The reason for my being mean...you. You've been so annoying and demeanding lately. I dont know why. It just seems like eveverything I say or comment on is turned into something mean. You get upset, you dont listen, you dont talk and then lie and say everythings fine. I amn truely sorry but I'm done. Youre welcome to call if you need me(family problems, friend issues....girl trouble eventually? :D) but thats up to you. Please dont call me at 3:30am to cry at me. Bye.

“Love's not a competition but I'm winning"

cheese's picture

whatever "i remember when

whatever

"i remember when you and me, how we used to be such good friends. wouldnt give me none, when all i wanted was some..."-jack johnson

swimmerguy's picture

I feel out of place here...

Commenting on this...
But, if I may say something, I think you two need to not communicate for a while. A couple days.
I was just hurt last weekend, and I imagine you know by whom, someone I once loved. And I was ANGRY. FAR more angry than I've ever been before.
And so, I decided I needed time off Oasis for a while. Because, I needed to just calm down. Take time to think about it, time to just let my anger, hurt, and hate go.
I knew that if I didn't, if I tried explaining all of this to Oasis while still angry and hurt, I would say the wrong things.
So, I think both of you need to just take a few days. See if you can get your emotions in check. Get rid of your anger, and sadness. Just try. Take as long as you need.
Then you can talk. Discuss what happened. And hopefully, without anger. Talk about who did what, and how you could fix it, and be able to accept and assign blame if you need to.
But not before.

Hai-kus are ea-sy
But some-times they don't make sense
Re-fridge-er-a-tor

cheese's picture

yeah. thats what i need. i

yeah. thats what i need. i need to be by myself. i am quite pissed off. but you know, i cant help thinking that i knew this was gonna happen at some point. i just didnt think it would happen like this. but whatever. spending time with certain people might be the best thing for me right now.
time to make myself look happy now >.>.

"i remember when you and me, how we used to be such good friends. wouldnt give me none, when all i wanted was some..."-jack johnson