Drawing humans is hard. So is making decisions.
Rawrrrr. I am so... Happy today, and yet so conflicted. I'm not happy with my "friends" situation. It seems the "better" I get, the less friends I have. Whatthehell. Doesn't anybody like me for who I am? Not for who I promise to become?
Sad. I know I'm flawed, as is every individual. But I began wondering how bad I really am. Sure, I'm super-moody. And that's the worst part of it, when I get really angry. And maybe I'm a bit rude. But I only am to make people laugh. In reality, adults seem to like me alot. I'm polite. I cook for people, clean up after them, hold doors open for them, apologize alot, thank people alot, and all that little unappreciated stuff that I do out of habit. I'm a gentleman! XD
Anyways, it sort of bothers me how lonely I really am. Especially when B keeps complaining how lonely SHE is.
1.) She's got Jonah. Srsly.
2.) She's well-liked, popular, and pretty
3.) She's always invited to things I'm always left out of
Why should she complain? She's surrounded by lots of people that care about her... I suppose that makes me very angry. I'm always jealous of her. She's like... My hugely better half. Prettier, funnier, nicer, less emotional.
Hmm. I find myself thinking that alot lately.
"There's always someone better. Someone more important."
Because seriously, it's very true. I'm so angry about it. I thought I was loved. And now that Hannah's in Hawaii, it makes me so... Alone. She's way closer to me than I thought. I really miss her. I hope she reads this ;A;
I suppose I really am just sick of being alone. I say I don't mind it, that I like it, but... But I'm wrong. Being alone sucks ass. And I know everyone's alone alot, but I just... I FEEL alone. Which is hard to describe. I'm a huge thinker lately, and a dreamer. I've been so creative with my drawings. I believe my art is just something that I use to describe the emotions too strong for words.
On a side note, does anybody else hate the new youtube layout?
Oh well. Something I try to do alot is tell people how important they are to me and how much I love thme. I wonder if anybody ever appreciates that. I've been trying to be caring lately. The more positive I feel about my life and how important people are to me, the better and more stable I feel. But I'm starting to think that it just is like a broken record to them.
I'm not sure.
I guess I brought this upon myself, but... But maybe I didn't. I don't know. I'm still lonely, no matter what I do lately. I just need this break to be over. School's my favorite place ever.
...It's a writing and drawing day.
One thing I noticed is in the mirror, I think I look beautiful. Sometimes. And then I take a picture and I look like 200x worse. What's up with that? Do people see me as the picture-ugly-as-hell me, or the I'm-sorta-attractive-mirror me? I'm also noticing that I'm getting skinnier *HELL YES* and stuff. I dunno if it's good. But I am. Did I ever tell you guys I have a scar shaped like a cross underneath my right breast? I ran into a stand-up heater when I was really little and it burned it into my skin. It's sorta creepy O_O
Sorry for the boobies-talk XD But I dunno, I thought about it.
On a postive note, I most likely will go see my friend today. And give her the scarf. I hope she likes it.
Woah. Marie Digby, the chick I'm addicted to, is really pretty. She's half Japanese and half Irish. Whoo. Wait, so is B. Weird!
Anybody wanna come visit me? And maybe stay for a week or something? That... Would be really cool. Yeahrightlikethat'dhappen.
But yeah. Lonely.
Or... Isolated... I'm not sure what's more fitting...