Muddled Up Mind

the ghost's picture

I keep thinking I would like to write a journal on here. But then I think that I don't have anything to say. The last few weeks, maybe even months, I have been entirely consumed with my final year project for college. It has been an absolute nightmare. The supervisor I was assigned, is, quite frankly a bitch. She has been making my life a living hell since September. It's due next Monday and is still not finished. I am stressed but clinging to the fact that it will soon be over.

I am concerned by the time I am finished this project I wont actually have any friends left though. I have had to cancel on so many nights out, so many commitments because I have been too busy or tired from working on this, and nobody seems to quite grasp what it is I am doing. I had to cancel on going to an interview for an award my lgbt society is nominated for tomorrow, purely because I don't have the time to go. I feel awful about it.

I was supposed to go with two other committee members, who I haven't heard from since I told them I cannot go. To make things worse, my phone is broke since yesterday, so even if they were trying to contact me they would not have got me. I sent them a facebook message this morning but they haven't got back to me.

This is quite possibly the most boring journal I could have wrote but quite honestly it is my life at the moment.

I have however been chatting to Michelle(the ex) a whole lot lately. She commented it has been a while since we have seen each other, and we agreed to meet up for a while next week. I am not sure if she is being a little strange or something. I asked her if she had any news and she said she would tell all when she see's me. I am sort of paranoid she has a new girlfriend. Not that I should particularly mind if she does, because I don't want to get back together. But part of me feels a little odd if she has moved on to someone else already, and I am not sure why because it has been four months since we broke up, that's just one month less than we were together.

I don't know, my head is muddled at the moment methinks.

I was going to finish the journal there, but now I just have a flow of random thoughts, that I think I would like to keep writing. I have been finding myself really wanting to wear a shirt and tie when I go out. I know thats quite super dyke-tastic gay, which there is nothing wrong with, but I generally lean towards more feminine clothes when I go out. I have a denim skirt that I just absolutly love. But at the same time, I would really like to wear some nice loose fit jeans, a white shirt and black tie combination. I also bought some nike 6.0 recently which I think would match in perfectly. But for some reason I feel too embarassed or weird to go out dressed like that. I think there are two reasons for that-the first being I have a really hot friend who dresses like that and I don't want people thinking I am some sort of wannabe, I am not and secondly I just don't know if I am comfortable being that gay.

I wore a shirt and tie out once with jeans. It was at halloween. I had helped Michelle move into her new place, and had no clothes to wear by the time all my friends arrived to go out. Since I had been helping her move all day. So her flatmate gave me a loan of his shirt and tie as a costume for the craic. It was fun.


Uncertain's picture

I love ties! Sorry to hear

I love ties! Sorry to hear life has been a little dull lately lol

the ghost's picture

They are a little bit

They are a little bit awesome =]

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent-Eleanor Roosevelt

stardust's picture


sounds really nerve racking, your project. I'm sorry it's taken over your life like that. Try to focus on what you need to immediately get done and don't worry about the other stuff until Monday. You sound really stressed out. Once the project is over, track down your friends and explain to them how frazzled and overwhelmed you've been and that you didn't mean to disappear, but you had to out you schoolwork first. If they are true friends, they'll let it go. and then you must go and party! Relax! Breathe! Smile! Sleep! Lol, make sure to reward yourself after all the constant running around to finish this project.

Good Luck. Oh and I like the outfit idea, go for it. :)

the ghost's picture

Hey thanks for that comment.

Hey thanks for that comment. It actually made me feel a huge amount better, and I got some more project working today =]

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent-Eleanor Roosevelt