You know what pisses me off?

ShowMeLove's picture

That someone's entire life can be completely messed up by an illness. It completely frustrates me that my brother never got to live his proper life because he was "given"/developed/whatever schizophrenia. What child deserves that?!?!?! At thirteen his whole life changed because of this mental illness. It isn't fair. Because of it he was ripped away from his family so doctors could figure out what was wrong with him. And in the process, because of the way the illness changed him, he was robbed of his teen years that should have been spent at home with his family.

I fucking hate mental illnesses. I don't understand why they need to exist. It robbed him of the life he should have had. Then he died an early death that might not have happened if he was never given that illness to begin with.

It just infuriates me that a 13 year old boy is just changed forever just because of it. Who the hell knows what he was going through, as he never opened to any of us.

I always wonder what really happened. What triggered it. They even say now that it is rare that people develop it so young. Men usually don't develop it until 18 and into their 20s. Women in their late 20s to 30s. Why did he have to get it at all, let alone so young?

Fucking life I hate you! And hate you too God, if you exist. To let people suffer the way you do...

Comments

jeff's picture

Hmm...

I think you should read Byron Katie's Loving What Is. You can also find her at www.thework.com, there are clips of her on YouTube, and I interviewed her here, as well.

Since you're in the middle of this now, it may not be easy to accept her approach (many can't do it without some recent loss, etc.), but I really think there is something to it.

Her take is that life gives you lessons, and you just need to be there to embrace them. And when you are unsettled, it is because you are arguing against truth. You're imagining a life for your brother that doesn't include schizophrenia, but didn't have a brother without schizophrenia. And that list can go on and on.

Once you switch to her form of inquiry, you can sometimes find peace and amazing lessons from what life throws at you.

One thing that jumped out is that many people have families on here who could use a lot of your same narrative, just replacing homosexuality with schizophrenia:"It completely frustrates me that my daughter never got to live her proper life because she was "given"/developed/whatever homosexuality. What child deserves that?!?!?! At thirteen her whole life changed because of this mental illness. It isn't fair." And that narrative would also include things that wouldn't happen based on that change, imagined weddings, etc.

But, I love Byron Katie, and think there's something to learn from her. Her approach is a bit oft-putting for some, if you watch the YouTubes, since she calls people darling and sweetheart, but once you kind of get into her vibe, it's pretty great stuff.

That said, you're also allowed to vent without needing it turn into lessons. But if you think these issues are going to torment you for an extended period of your life, it's a good idea to get rid of them.

---
"Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are." - Kurt Cobain

undead_poet's picture

i agree

i was diagnosed with schizhphrenia,bilpolar, depression, and suicidalness, it has kind of fucked up my life, i ahve had peopel judge me because of my mental illness. so i totally agree with you
~so sayth the undead, HEED HIM WELL!

hellonwheels's picture

believe me...

i know better than most how that kinda shit can consume someone. My father suffered from bi-polar depression, PTSD, and developed schizophrenia shortly after his wartime experiences. he was never the same. I have seen, and know firsthand how that kind of shit can consume someone and eat up their whole life. While I am sorry you had to go through that shit, and will never understand why or how your bro was feeling....i also agree w/ jeff. life gives us all lessons, and some are harder than others to learn.

-hell

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

Lol-taire's picture

I am so sorry. I lit a

I am so sorry. I lit a candle the other day for your family, which does nothing I know (and I hope you don't think it's really weird, since of course I don't know you). There is nothing fair or right about any of what happened to him. And no reason either really.