Super Duck's picture

I am so, so, soooo sick of my mother. UGH. I can't stand that fucking woman. I can't understand how she has any friends at all or why our favorite weirdo from French class desperately wants to have sex with her. Really, really late last night, she came into my room with a bottle of this oily-looking stuff. I was a little confused at first, but then I remembered what it was and got PISSED.

She occasionally does this weird thing where she goes around the house and mumbles to herself and rubs oil on the walls. I've politely asked her to skip my room, but she refuses to listen, so I got mad.

Me: What are you doing?
Mom: I'm anointing the house to keep the demonic spirits out.
Me: Okay, I'm done being polite. GET. OUT. OF. MY. ROOM.
Mom: No.
Me: How many times have I asked you to leave me out of this?
Mom: I don't care.
Mom: No! I want to do the whole house! And it's NOT crazy!
Me: Absolutely no normal person I know goes around their house mumbling to themselves and rubbing oil on the walls. Even Granny, who goes to the racist church, thinks you are absolutely insane. You are being a FUNDIE. I don't like holy rollers, so LEAVE!
Mom: I love you, Super Duck. ((trying to hug me))
Me: ((backing away)) I'm not hugging you until you respect my freaking boundaries on this issue.
Mom: I am respecting your boundaries.
Me: Um, pretty sure bringing your crazy little ritual into my room after I've asked you to stop is NOT respecting any boundaries whatsoever.

I hate her fucking bullshit. How hard is it to just leave me out of things she knows I have a problem with? Her pulling this crap is like me demanding that everyone in the house be gay just because I am.

I swear, if there is a Hell, they've tailor-made one for me, and I'm in it right now. I live with that crazy Bible-humping bitch known as my mother. I heard my friend is in town, but there is no way at all for me to contact her or anything because she doesn't have her stupid freaking phone. (I wish she did facebook chat.) We're falling apart, and I can't do shit about it. I also heard that she got back with her stupid boyfriend. Not cool. I am also feeling fat and gross yet completely and totally unmotivated to exercise. And perhaps worst of all... Red velvet cake yogurt tastes NOTHING like red velvet cake.


ferrets's picture


waht does red velvet taste like?

"...I find it kinda funny,I find it kinda sad, that the dreams where i am dieing are the best I've ever had..." -gary jules

Super Duck's picture

Red velvet cake is pretty

Red velvet cake is pretty hard to describe... It's kind of buttery with a slight chocolate taste. Not like a super chocolaty taste, though. It is also usually made with cream cheese frosting.

elph's picture


Oil? Demon shield? What religion is this? How long does one application work?

You have my sympathy. It must be even worse since you seem to have a functioning brain!

Super Duck's picture

Some extreme version of

Some extreme version of Christianity... And apparently about 24 hours because she says some preacher guy told her to do it every night for a week.

elph's picture

Too bad...

...that these guys are not required to pass a mental competence test!

Dracofangxxx's picture

That's... Really scary. I

That's... Really scary.
I mean, my mom's...

but at least she's not super-religious...

but it sounds SOOO GOOD D:
You're twisted and perverted. I like that in a person.

Super Duck's picture

The fact that my mom is

The fact that my mom is mumbling to herself the whole time she does this is what freaks me out the most. D:

I think red velvet cake is mostly a Southern thing, but I'm sure you could find it (or at least a recipe or some cake mix) somewhere. I think a snack cake company makes some little ones, but that isn't nearly as good as the real thing.

niks121997's picture


Two things: All I have to say about your Mum is "Wow." Kudos to you for attempting to affirm your boundaries. Secondly, I have had red velvet cake exactly twice in my lifetime and each time it was like a tiny bit of heaven (that I don't believe in) and simply delicious.

Super Duck's picture

She's gone REALLY crazy

She's gone REALLY crazy lately. Completely obsessed with religion. She just took my sister to a Bible store and bought tons of Bible stuff for her, but the kid is seven... She can barely read chapter books! What's she gonna do with a Bible?!

And yes, red velvet cake is soooo amazing. I totally wish I had some right now.

niks121997's picture


Do you know of anything going on with her recently that might contribute to this obsession with religion? I wonder if your Mum intends on reading the Bible aloud to your sister or maybe she's making sure she has one. Who knows.

They don't see red velvet much here (Chicago area) so I'll have to live vicariously through you if you do locate some.

Super Duck's picture

The whole reason she got

The whole reason she got into it in the first place was because of her boyfriend, so it might have something to do with him.