chapter one of the rebellion

undead_poet's picture

this is a story that i have been working on.
tell me what you think..................
chapter 1- the beginning
I wake to the sound of gunfire and screaming children. My name is number 171; I’m a miner on the planet ephron 8. My real name is Anthony Cruzer., but no one is called by their real name on ephron 8. It all happened 10 years ago, the ephronian army invaded my hometown of wickerwood. They mercilessly killed the adults and babies. Then like cattle they herded the kids onto their ship. They forced he kids into cryogenic sleep. “Wake up you filthy slime” came a voice from the communicator on my nightstand. I got dressed and grabbed my gasmask off the nightstand. I walked to the door. I pressed the button, the airlock hissed as the door opened. I started to walk down the hall, as I was walking I saw a trail of fresh blood. I followed the blood trail to a door with a strange symbol on it. I looked at the symbol it sent a chill down my spine. I heard the clicking of the guard boots getting closer; I continued to walk to the mess hall.

Comments

jeff's picture

Uhh...

I never read a book with 6,000 chapters, ;-)

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"Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are." - Kurt Cobain

hellonwheels's picture

i think you need to...

use other words...for example...nightstand 2x in two sentences? what else would work?

and also, what is the story about? have an intro paragraph.

my 2 cents

hell

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman