cheese's picture

I feel so on edge when I’m at school. I can’t explain it. I just feel so goddamn nervous. Like…something is going to happen to me, like some one is going to hurt me. I hate it. It sucks. Lol. Sometimes I feel like everyone is watching me, watching every little mistake I make. O_O. I hate being paranoid. This feeling isn’t new to me though, I usually only feel like this when i first start school. But it usually goes away after a few weeks. Because I get used to the people around me, my surroundings. Because im there almost every day, for about 8 hours. Because I only go to school here twice a week, for a total of 3 hours and 45 minutes (1 hour and 30 minutes on Tuesday, 2 hours 15 minutes on Thursday). Majority of my time is spent alone, which im not used to either. I like being alone, but this much is out of my comfort zone. Lol. Throughout the day I sit and wait until Christina or one of my friends get home from school so I can call them and socialize. I know I have my family at home, but that’s different. I cant socialize with them.
Fml. Lol. :). It’s starting to not bother me as much, being alone. The only time I actually realize it is when I go to my math class (which is full of freshmans and I don’t know any of them) I sit alone. Quietly. Listening to every single word my math teacher says. Sometimes I fall asleep. The entire class just bores me. Oh, and when I go turn in my work to my assignment teacher. God. I get so goddamn (lol I kept typing goddman XD) nervous. I hate having her correct my work in front of me, actually I hate it when anybody corrects my work in front of me. My handsd sweat the whole time, and I feel as if im extremely close to having a panic attack. D:. it sucks. But, when I get home I can go crawl back under my rock. I can call my love. I can feel relaxed and at ease. Bored, but at ease :3.

sorry about that i just needed to rant about how alone i am. and i cant fucking type, i mess up so many times (cause im going too fast) so i have to clear the whole effing sentence and type it slowly, one key at a time. like when i stutter too much, i have to say each word slowly so that i am understandable because i feel thats the only way i will be able to speak right :(..... :{(
lol sad moustache smiley.
:{3 bai oasis