epic mom fail

Super Duck's picture

So, today was pretty interesting. My mom and I got into a big conversation about why I have almost no life whatsoever, and she offered some of the STUPIDEST suggestions ever. They started out not-so-stupid, but then they just became... Well, you'll see.

Mom: I think you should call your rival!
Me: Um.. Maybe, but when I get home, I have to study geometry.
Mom: You said she had like a 99 in that class. Make her come help you!
Me: She "helped" me before all those tests I bombed... She's not very good at explaining.
Mom: I really think you should go somewhere with French Class Girl!
Me: WHAT?! Are you even serious? Wow... You do know she wants to have sex with you, right?
Mom: Oh, I doubt that!
Me: Um, she tells me all the time how pretty and awesome my mom is. All. The. Time. Multiple times a day. "Super Duck, your mom is soooooo AMAZING and pretty and... HEY EVERYONE, GUESS WHAT? Super Duck's mom is AWESOME!"
Mom: But she also called you awesome and cute once.
Me: Yeah, but she's like, OBSESSED with you.

I really, really hope that isn't my mom's way of saying we should get together. Gag me. I am not and never will be that desperate.

I would be terrified to go anywhere with French Class Girl. Not only is she weird, but she is also the worst driver on the planet. She's 17, so she has only been driving on her own for a year, and she has already wrecked two cars. How much do you have to suck to do that? My rival said that she was behind French Class Girl once, and she literally drove in the middle of the road. What the hell!?

Speaking of French Class Girl, today my mom and I went to a Mexican restaurant, and there was this unfortunate girl there that looked JUST like her from a distance. I was going to run up behind her and scream, "HELLO, MY FAVORITE SELF-LOATHING HOMO! I BROUGHT MY MOM!" because I felt like being an ass, and, you know, I thought it was French Class Girl and all. I was about halfway to her once I realized she was, in fact, NOT French Class Girl. At least I didn't scream first... That would've been BAD! Haha! Oh, my god!

Haha, right now I am talking to my arch nemesis. I am really, really fighting the urge to ask her why she humps her friends' legs since I'm not supposed to know about that. It's soooo tempting to ask! :(

Comments

ferrets's picture

wow

if my mum told me to hang out with FCG i would stumble backwards until i reached the grand canyon and then fall off XP

"...I find it kinda funny,I find it kinda sad, that the dreams where i am dieing are the best I've ever had..." -gary jules

Super Duck's picture

I was pretty shocked

I was pretty shocked myself... Why would anyone's mother want them to hang out with someone who looks like a cannibal-rapist?!?

Dracofangxxx's picture

You should bring her to your house

That way your mom could see how creepy she is, via a possible rape attempt XD
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You're twisted and perverted. I like that in a person.

Super Duck's picture

Eww, I don't want her

Eww, I don't want her weirdness to infect my house, though. How would I clean it after she left? What would my cat think!? And what if she tried to rape ME? D:

Dracofangxxx's picture

You're a woman, cleaning is

You're a woman, cleaning is your job! >:o
Joking :P
Uhh, your cat would be like "PURR. PET ME, BITCH." and then she'd be like "SUPER DUCK I LOVE YOUR PUSSY IT IS SO FRIENDLY"
and if she tried to rape YOU? Take video evidence! For the school to see her homo-ness!
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You're twisted and perverted. I like that in a person.

Super Duck's picture

I can totally see my cat

I can totally see my cat being all, "PURR. PET ME, BITCH." in like some deep, manly voice. It would be awesome. But the part about the pussy being friendly makes me want to crawl into a ditch and die. XDDD I could totally see her saying something like that.

Hahaha, I'd be like, "Wait a second, can I go get my phone?" and she'd be like, "Okay..." and then I'd get it and start videoing and be like, "This is my house... This is my cat... This is my kitchen table... AND THIS IS FRENCH CLASS GIRL TRYING TO RAPE ME LIKE THE CLOSET HOMO SHE REALLY IS! Sorry, French Class Girl, I only like girls who have brains."

Also, someone needs to tell my mom to stop using the ;) smiley when commenting on French Class Girl's statuses.