swimmerguy's picture

I've been listening to Stranger In Moscow by MJ. Besides being the coolest song in the world, it also makes me sad, accentuating the moods I've been in for a while.

Summer is too long. Summer vacation was started because kids had to be home to help at the farm. I know of not a single person at my school who has to be home to help at the farm, frankly.
But it always leaves me languishing at home.
I suppose I can't really complain, because I've been staying active, getting up at 7 so I can go to swimming in the morning with my swim club whom I all love to death, discussing matters of philosophy and physiology with Lee, going on runs in the afternoons, doing dryland.
But a lot of this time I spend by myself, and a lot of the time, I'm not doing anything.

I don't really get bored, I just get very unhappy when I have nothing to do. I need to like go to the park, or the library, or just find things to do.

But I need to also have my friends, in this month we now call Junuary. We've had the longest streak ever in Washington of days below 75 degrees, like 278. And the endless rain.
I spend time just staring out the window.
Because, most of the time, I have no one to communicate with. My brother's always off with his girlfriend, my dad is always at work, and I always spend far too much time pretending to not be perpetually pissed at the barrel of nitro some may call my mom to actually communicate with her.
I don't know who's fault it is, but I'm not happy that right now, if I'm being chipper, and kind, and loving, I'm probably acting, so my mom doesn't actually suspect. Which is SICK. She's my MOTHER.
Damn it.

Well, I guess I'm better off than my Michael Jackson. In his biography, he says : "Even at home, I'm lonely. I sit in my room sometimes and cry. It's so hard to make friends ...I sometimes walk around the neighborhood at night, just hoping to find someone to talk to. But I just end up coming home".
Which, of course, just makes me sadder.


ferrets's picture


this summer, as it is no longer filled with romance for me, i plan to try my best to memorize beethovens seventh.

at the begining of summer i set a biggo goal and do it. on year it was a snow cone stand, one it was to finish a totalwar campighn. once it was to turn my bathroom into a leisure palace.

"...I find it kinda funny,I find it kinda sad, that the dreams where i am dieing are the best I've ever had..." -gary jules

elph's picture


Seventh what?

Surely not the entirety of the Seventh Symphony! However... When I was at university this was close to the top of my list of favorite symphonies.

And... if you're talking about piano concertos (if you wish, concerti), you're obliged to find something composed posthumously :)

For something more modest... I'd suggest themes from the 2nd movements of any of Mozart's piano concertos. These are amongst the most beautiful and moving music ever composed for the piano!

Another challenge would be to find a piano rendition of the aria Che Faro Senza Euridice (Glück) --- one of the most moving arias from all of the early classical operas:

hellonwheels's picture


i don't know why they are calling it junuary...i know we've had a ton of rain, but it hasn't been THAT bad. today was a warm, sunny day. lol.

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

Dracofangxxx's picture

If you're lonely, you could always hang out with me.

I'm rarely busy unless it's Tuesdays when I have my viola lessons...
Smile real pretty for me, baby.