I've been listening to Stranger In Moscow by MJ. Besides being the coolest song in the world, it also makes me sad, accentuating the moods I've been in for a while.
Summer is too long. Summer vacation was started because kids had to be home to help at the farm. I know of not a single person at my school who has to be home to help at the farm, frankly.
But it always leaves me languishing at home.
I suppose I can't really complain, because I've been staying active, getting up at 7 so I can go to swimming in the morning with my swim club whom I all love to death, discussing matters of philosophy and physiology with Lee, going on runs in the afternoons, doing dryland.
But a lot of this time I spend by myself, and a lot of the time, I'm not doing anything.
I don't really get bored, I just get very unhappy when I have nothing to do. I need to like go to the park, or the library, or just find things to do.
But I need to also have my friends, in this month we now call Junuary. We've had the longest streak ever in Washington of days below 75 degrees, like 278. And the endless rain.
I spend time just staring out the window.
Because, most of the time, I have no one to communicate with. My brother's always off with his girlfriend, my dad is always at work, and I always spend far too much time pretending to not be perpetually pissed at the barrel of nitro some may call my mom to actually communicate with her.
I don't know who's fault it is, but I'm not happy that right now, if I'm being chipper, and kind, and loving, I'm probably acting, so my mom doesn't actually suspect. Which is SICK. She's my MOTHER.
Well, I guess I'm better off than my Michael Jackson. In his biography, he says : "Even at home, I'm lonely. I sit in my room sometimes and cry. It's so hard to make friends ...I sometimes walk around the neighborhood at night, just hoping to find someone to talk to. But I just end up coming home".
Which, of course, just makes me sadder.